


Whelve (pretense to "Alaska")

by TheWhumpTexts



Series: ALASKA [2]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Aaron Hotchner Acting as Spencer Reid's Parental Figure, Aaron Hotchner is Spencer Reid's Parent, Abused Spencer Reid, Age Regression, Age Regression/De-Aging, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, BAU Fam, Blood, Blood and Gore, Blood and Injury, Caregiver!Hotch, Child Abuse, Childhood Sexual Abuse, Dad!Hotch, Drug Use, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fem!Spencer Reid, Flu, GRAPHIC VIBEBOARDS/MOODBOARDS, Gen, Gen Work, Graphic descriptions of abuse, Hacker!Fic, Hacker!Spencer, Happy Aaron Hotchner, Hurt Spencer Reid, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Non-Sexual Age Play, Panic Attacks, Physical Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Aaron Hotchner, Regressed!Spencer, Sad Spencer Reid, Self Harm, Sickness, Spencer Reid Angst, Spencer Reid Whump, Spencer Reid abused, Spencer Reid is a Mess, Suicide Attempt, Total AU, Vomit, age regressed spencer reid, cute jemily shit in later chapters, henry is alive tho cause he cute af, jack isn't born and fuck haley tbh, little!spencer reid, michael isn't born yet, regressed!spencer reid, spencer is a minor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-16 23:33:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 11
Words: 36,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29215749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWhumpTexts/pseuds/TheWhumpTexts
Summary: "And just like plants, everyone grows at their own pace. You don't force a sapling to become a tree, right?" Aaron took his eyes off the road a second to look at the teen in the passenger seat beside him.*** *** *** ***Spencer is taken in by Aaron Hotchner after a raid on the warehouse he was illegally hacking in. While he tries to fit into the next chapter of his life, new struggles and old demons follow closely behind.
Series: ALASKA [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2144973
Comments: 41
Kudos: 124





	1. The Raid

**Author's Note:**

> Eyyyy- Look who's back!
> 
> Okay- first of all, I am not continuing wth "Alaska" and am going to be concentrating on this pretense fic. So sorry you guys! You've probably gathered i have a small attention span when it comes to fic lol. But I wanted to elaborate on this story, so you all get Spencer's life previous to seeing William again. I hope you like it as much as "Alaska"!

"God, I can't wait to get home. Hopefully the fucking rat traps worked."

Spencer Reid chuckled, shaking his head while he spun his computer chair to look over at his co-worker and roommate, Ash Taylor. He was about 5'2 with messy black curls, freckles and mischievous green eyes. He was one of Spencer's favorite people because he was always making him laugh; which was hard for him to do as of late as it was only a few months since he ran away from the hellscape he came from, and he wasn't coping well with the trauma that had happened to him while living there.

The dingy warehouse they were in, otherwise known as their headquarters, was getting rather cold, and Spencer quite agreed with Ash- he wouldn't mind getting into the warmth of his bed. He was overly tired mostly because they were all working on a really hard hack, and had lost many nights sleep on it. Also their cover business was getting tedious and they were barely making enough cash to get by. Spencer worked for a white-hat hacker group that exposed child predators, and most cases were quite easy and fulfilling; with them leaving no trace behind once they exposed the sick fucks. But _this_ hack- this one was proving to be _very_ difficult. They were trying to crack a huge pedophile ring that was spread internationally and _God_ , was it a challenge. They had two groups working with them, but they were mediocre so it was mainly just Spencer and his co-workers.

"Hey guys…"

Their head of the team, Catrina Vicso, stood up from her desk a few feet away from Spencer. She looked around at the twenty or so people in the crowded warehouse, moving her messy dirty blonde hair away from her eyes with a tired sigh.

"Let's call it a night in an hour and meet back here at nine. I think we can all agree that we suck at doing work while sleep deprived." She said, chuckling lightly at the end of her sentence.

There were murmurs of agreements as she sat back down, and Ash sighed in relief as he picked up a can of coca-cola from beside his black monitor.

"Thank God she called it, hey?" He said, taking a swig and placing it back down on his metal desk.

_'God… why does he drink that stuff?'_ Spencer thought as he suppressed a grimace. 

Coca Cola was actually commonly used as a rust cleaner, but even after Spencer let Ash know that, he continued to drink it with ease. _Why,_ Spencer had no clue. He swirled his chair to face him and was about to reply, but suddenly, loud shouting echoed from the warehouse walls. Spencer gasped as he saw men and women in dark blue coats, marching in casually as ever.

As he stood up to be ready to flee his heart began beating rapidly and he realized with terror that this was the FBI. His co-workers began backing away from their computers, having the same thought as Spencer. Yes, the work they were doing was good and righteous, but they've had to hack the FBI to get various files and such before. And apparently, they were finally aware of that fact. 

" _Calm down, calm down!_ You're not under arrest!"

A man in his late fourties stood in front of the ten or so FBI officers, putting his hands in front of himself to calm the group. He was a tall man with jet black hair that spiked a bit at the front, and a hard brow coupled with soft brown eyes. 

"I promise, we are _not_ here to arrest you- were just here to talk." He stopped in front of the rows of computer desks, taking a look around momentarily at the huge servers, tangled wires, and desks spread around the cold warehouse.

" _Bullshit_ you're here to talk- obviously you know we hacked you!" Catrina shouted from her desk angrily, but was holding a look of clear fear as she hugged her torso tightly.

Spencer's heart was beating rapidly. Watching Catrina take on the FBI made him want to _puke_. He thought for sure they were going to be arrested, or even worse, they would send him back to his previous hellscape do to him being a minor. Almost a year previous, he had run away from his abusive father and had no intention of ever going back. He wished they had waited just a couple months to raid their headquarters, as he would then be eighteen and wouldn't have to go back at all.

Spencer took a deep breath as the FBI agent addressing them nodded in acknowledgement. He suddenly had the urge to hold Ash's hand, his anxiety kicking up. His friend would constantly help him through nightmares and panic attacks, basically being Spencer's rock.

"We also know you've exposed over two hundred pedophiles and three state-grown pedophile rings- that takes skill." A younger, darker man with slight stubble stood beside the first agent, looking around at the group with a slight smile.

"So that's why we're here- to offer you all jobs at the FBI."

There was sudden murmur heard throughout the warehouse as the hackers discussed what they were hearing. Spencer looked at the agents warily. He had been lied to before, many, many times and was reluctant to believe what the agents in front of him were saying. But as he took a long look at the man with the soft brown eyes, he saw no sign of a lie. he actually looked like he was sincere. 

"A… _job?_ What kind of job?" The head of software development- a man named Oliver, piped up.

"Exactly what you're doing here- just in a proper unit." The darker man said, and looked around.

"What you've been doing here is great, _amazing_ actually-"

Catrina snorted, cutting off the agent.

"Yeah, _it is_ \- it’s the shit you guys don't do." She spat, her blue eyes giving him an icy glare. 

The two agents that were speaking to them shared a look with one another- smirking slightly.

"You're right. Each one of you in here has skills that our tech agents could only dream of having. That's why we want you to work at the FBI. And also,"

The agent that spoke to them first glanced around at the computers again.

"You aren't protected doing your work here. You're limited in the technology you use, which is why we were able to find you. If the perverts your exposing wanted to get revenge, they could do so with ease." He explained.

Catrina groaned, pinching her nose and turning around to face Ash and Spencer.

"Ash, Spencer- you didn't fucking update the IP mixer?!"

The two young men blushed madly, both beginning to stammer.

_'Shit!'_ Spencer bit his lip as he remembered their forgotten task.

Ash began to respond, clearly trying his best to think of a quick lie.

"Uh, I ha-had the co-" 

"The answer is _'no'_ \- You clearly fucking didn't!" She spat, and Ash huffed in response.

"Well, we would have had time to if this case didn't make us lose three days sleep!"

Catrina was about to retort, but the darker man cut her off.

"Think of this as a blessing. We know you don't get paid, and you have don't enough protection. We can give you that."

"How do we know you're telling the truth?" She snapped.

"Miss, if we wanted to arrest you, we would have just done so." He chuckled, and Catrina pursed her lips, giving them a hard, long look before turning to the group.

"Well, I guess we should… take a vote?" She asked, looking around at her employees. 

"Who uh, is for joining the FBI?"

It wasn't right away, but slowly and surely, the whole group raised their hands shyly into the air; including Spencer. He mostly did it because Ash did- he figured if Ash thought it was okay, then it must be.

"Fuck, okay- Well that's settled I guess." She said in surprise as she turned back to the FBI agents.

"I guess so-" The brown eyed agent chuckled slightly before continuing.

"Welcome to the FBI, everyone. My name is Agent Hotchner and this," He gestured to the agent beside him.

"Is Agent Morgan."

The two agents looked at the group with a sense of pride as they all began to ask questions at once. Spencer looked to Ash, trying to see if the situation was okay. He wasn't the best at reading social situations, and never had been. He figured it probably stemmed from being locked in a house for sixteen years.

"Ash?" Spencer whispered, looking up at his friend fearfully.

Yes, working for the FBI sounded awesome- it's exactly what he dreamed of doing since he was seven. He had vowed, after one horrendous night of sleeping in the cornfield behind his house, that he would become one of the people who caught monsters like his father; monsters who sexually abused little kids and ruined their lives. But the thought of joining the FBI sounded scary when he realized the possibility that they might not hire him due to him being a minor.

_'Which means I'll have to go back…'_

Spencer let a shuddered breath out, clenching his hands together tightly as he watched his friends approach the FBI agents eagerly. 

"Hey, it's alright- this is good, Spencer. Really." Ash whispered, giving him a worried look upon seeing his expression.

"You sure?" Spencer whispered back, looking towards the agents.

He suddenly noticed one of them, the one named Hotchner, look at him through the crowd of his co-workers. He looked to be… assessing him in some way, his brow furrowing in what looked to be confusion. Spencer frowned, not knowing how he felt about that.

"I'm sure." He patted his shoulder lightly as he walked away from his desk, knowing Spencer's aversion to touch.

"Come on, let's go meet our new bosses, eh?" Spencer nodded reluctantly, smiling slightly at the slang that he used at the end of his sentence.

Ash was from Ontario, Canada, and he sure sounded like it. Spencer loved his accent- it reminded him there was a whole world out there. He only knew the state of Virginia; going from a secluded farm to the small city they were currently in. He aspired to see more of the world, and this- seemed like his ticket. Or at least he hoped it was. Ash led him to the crowd, where the FBI agents cheerfully talked to the group of hackers as they asked a million questions.

"Were moving up, eh man?" Ash smiled, grinning as he looked over at Spencer.

Spencer smiled forcefully, nodding quickly. Ash didn't seem to notice, and waved vigorously to try and get the attention of one of the agents. Spencer couldn’t help being wary about what was going on, but stuck to Ash's side anyways. Change was hard for him- but hopefully this,

_was good change._


	2. Better things, Yvonne!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer Reid is visited by Agent Aaron Hotchner at the shelter he's staying at.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, if I fuck up plot I'm sorry lol- bear with me

It was around noon on a sunny Tuesday when Spencer Reid's name was called out in the shelter he was staying at, but he was too far gone in his own thoughts to even notice. He was sitting cross-legged on a cheap mattress in the middle of the room, hand on his chin as he stared blankly at a magazine.

He had to move to the nearby city of Quantico after receiving the job offer from the FBI so he would be closer to work, but sadly, there wasn't any available housing that he could get with the money he saved up. So the shelter was his only option. They were really nice, and Spencer was trying to keep optimistic, but he still felt a sense of looming grim almost every day. The FBI still hadn't contacted him since they gave him his location placement weeks previous, and it was starting to feel to Spencer that they didn't want him to work there- _that his co-workers were all they needed._

He also felt out of sorts because he was without his bestfriend. Ash was put at a headquarters in Illinois, four states away from him, and it was really fucking with his mental health. He was the first person he had ever interacted with besides his parents, was the one who found him running for his life on a dirt road _and_ was the first person in his life to be kind to him. Spencer missed him terribly. He almost felt regretful meeting him though; hating how much it hurt when people he became attached to left him.

"Pumpkin? You in there?"

Spencer looked up in surprise as he saw a pair of legs appear beside him out of the corner of his eye. Yvonne, one of the volunteers at the shelter, smiled at him expectnatly. She was a short woman in her mid thirties, and had curly blue hair that hung just above her shoulders. Yvonne was always wearing comfortable hippie-like clothes, which Spencer loved about her- actually, he sort of envied her; he always wanted to wear pretty shawls, but to his dismay, he was born a boy.

"Y-Yeah, sorry- was just lost in uh-" Spencer furrowed his eyebrows as he read the title of the page that was open.

" _'The Scientific Reason You Are (Or Aren't) A Mosquito Magnet'_ …" He trailed off as he realized how stupid that sounded.

Yvonne nodded, her eyebrows raised.

"Sounds riveting but there's someone out in the entrance asking for you. And to be honest, they seem a lot more interesting than that article." She chuckled slightly at the end of her sentence.

"Asking for… _me_?"

"Yes, _you,_ pumpkin. Do you want me to tell them to go away? He looks to be some sort of police officer. Are you in any trouble?"

Spencer shot up, and ran past Yvonne as quick as a bullet. He zig-zagged around the beds and various backpacks, going down a small hallway until he stopped abruptly about two feet away from agent Hotchner. His breath hitched as he took in the image of the older man, this time dawning an expensive suit instead of an FBI jacket.

"H-Hi." He stammered, putting his hand up slightly in greeting and trying his best to push away the blush that was forming on his pale cheeks.

Spencer was very bad at social situations. He was quite new to them, as he legitimately did not interact with anyone other than his psychotic father up until he ran away.

"Hey, Spencer, right?" Agent Hotchner extended his hand and Spencer bit his lip as he gingerly shook it.

He hated how unsanitary it was- more pathogens were passed by hand touching than kissing.

"I'm happy to finally meet you- your co-workers have said a lot about you." He smiled kindly as their hands dropped.

_'A lot about me? What's there to say?'_ Spencer thought.

"I'm sorry it took so long to contact you- we usually don't discuss such serious matters over phone, and uh, you didn't call us to update your address."

Spencer felt so stupid.

_'Of course- goddamit!'_

"I-I'm sorry about that sir- I _uh,_ yeah… I stay here."

He looked down, embarrassment filling his chest. He figured they wouldn't want someone like him- broke, no home, and only eighteen. He had the sudden urge to cry, not daring to look up at the agent before him.

"You've been here since we gave you location placement?" Agent Hotchner asked in surprise, making Spencer raise his head to meet his eye.

"Y-Yeah…"

"Do you have enough food? Clothes?"

Spencer stared at him in utter surprise. He didn't know to answer that. No one besides Ash and the volunteers at the shelter had ever paid him any mind, let alone cared about him. Agent Hotchner stared at him firmly, yet held a look of true concern. Spencer blinked, trying to understand what was happening.

"Y-Yes, o-of course sir. I'm fine, thank you." He replied quickly and quietly, trying to keep eye contact so he would sound believable.

The shelter gave out daily soups and bread, but it was never enough to feel full. He couldn't complain though- he was eating more than he ever had at his father's house. Spencer did have money, but he tried to buy food sparsely because he was attempting to keep his savings for an apartment of some sort. And on the clothes topic- the shelter had tried to supply him with new pants and shirts, but everything was too baggy and didn't fit. Currently, his pants were being held up by a rope he found out behind the building. Spencer nervously adjusted his oversized black dress shirt to cover it- it always did irk him that he was skinny but now that he didn't have proper clothes it was even worse.

"You need proper housing before you start at Quantico- is there someone you can stay with?"

Spencer exhaled in humor, giving Agent Hotchner a look.

"If I did, sir, I wouldn’t be here." He said quietly, slightly smiling.

Agent Hotchner looked down as he laughed, shaking his head.

"Of course, son, sorry 'bout that." He said as he looked back up.

Spencer swallowed and looked away as a strange feeling appeared in his chest. No one had ever called him that before- not even his father. He began wringing his hands, starting to feel nervous as he glanced up to see the agent before him giving him the same exact stare that he had weeks previous; assessing eyes, firm brow- looking through him as if he was glass. Spencer cleared his throat, looking at the ground.

"Um, if I-I'm not the type of agent you w-want at the Bureau, sir, I-I-I understand." Spencer tried to keep his voice strong but as he spoke to the ground, it cracked.

"Spencer, you are the smartest of all your group, you do know that right? Why _wouldn't_ we want you as an agent?" Agent Hotchner asked puzzled.

Spencer looked up in confusion.

" _'The smartest'?_ Sir, I-I highly doubt that is-"

"It's true. The head of Quantico's tech department says never in her life has she seen such programs written. We've analysed your group's systems Spencer, and each program you've written is beyond what we've _ever_ accomplished at the Bureau."

Spencer was at a loss for words. He never thought of himself as bright. Yes, Ash would show such thoughts continuously since he met him, but that was _Ash_ \- He was always kind and uplifting towards him. Now having an agent from the FBI tell him that he was smart- now _that_ boggled him. The thought never even crossed his mind, if he was honest with himself. He never had the luxury of getting an education, so he learned everything he knew from TV and books; when he had the permission of course. His father, being the sadistic fuck he was, would only let Spencer have access to books and TV if he was _'good'_. And _'good'_ in William Reid's mind, meant not fighting back.

"Oh…" He whispered in response.

"I would understand if you didn't want to take the job, Spencer- I mean, it is quite hard at ti-"

" _No!_ " Spencer said quickly.

Agent Hotchner raised his eyebrow.

"I-I want the job. I do." He continued.

"Glad to hear it. Could I ask you something that might seem forward?"

Spencer furrowed his eyebrows, a sick feeling bubbling in his stomach. That sounded like a pickup line; much like the drunk men on the streets would say as they passed him. He did not like being flirted with. Especially by a man so much older than him.

"I.. I'm only seventeen sir." He said quietly as he hugged his arms tightly around his middle.

Agent Hotchner blinked quickly, completely speechless. 

"Wha- Son, _no,_ that's not what I meant." He said, a look off pure concern crossing his face.

Spencer opened his mouth to say something but covered it in complete embarrassment.

"Oh my God- s-sir, I am _so_ sorry, I-I jus- I just tho-"

"I was going to ask if you would want to move into my basement suite. I have a home in Triangle, and no one is renting from me right now."

Spencer took a sharp breath, not expecting him to say that.

"I-I don't have much in my savings, sir, I'm sor-"

"You don't have to pay the first few months, it's alright. You can pay me after you get settled into work."

"You don't have to do that…"

"Son, if I don't, you won't be able to start at the FBI. You need an address before you get hired."

Spencer tilted his head ever so slightly in confusion.

"Y-You would let me move i-into your home… _just to have me work with you?_ "

"Yes, I would. I think Quantico is lucky to have found you- you have talent, Spencer. Don't tell your classmates I said this but-" He gently smiled before continuing. "We haven't had someone as talented as you in the Bureau in a very, very long time."

Spencer felt tears spring to his eyes as he took in the sincere look on Agent Hotchner's face. He was… _wanted._ They wanted _him._

"O-Okay. Th-Thank you for helping me, sir. I-I really appreciate it." He responded, quickly blinking back the tears.

He tried his best to sound as kind as possible- he was incredibly thankful for this agent's hospitality and didn't want him to think for a second that he wasn't.

"Also, uh, I'm _very_ sorry about th-that comment." He said quietly, and Agent Hotchner shook his head.

"No worries- it was just a little miscommunication."

He sounded like it hadn't bothered him, but Spencer could hear something else lingering in his voice. He then proceeded to put a hand on his shoulder, and despite how light and gentle Agent Hotchner's touch was, Spencer flinched back in fear. He took a breath, expecting a blow to his body, but none came. Agent Hotchner just dropped his hand, looking even more concerned than before.

"S-Sorry." Spencer whispered, blushing again.

"It's okay." He replied, speaking softer than before.

"How about we get you moved in today? Unless you have, ah, something to do here?"

Spencer shook his head, looking behind him slightly.

"No, uh, I can leave today. Do… Do you mean right now?"

"Yeah, if you're ready to go. Do you have any belongings you need to grab?"

"Y-yeah, just a duffel. I'll, uh, I'll go get it." Spencer pointed behind him and Agent Hotchner nodded.

He rushed to the sleeping area, darting around the beds again.

"Everything alright pumpkin?" Yvonne asked as Spencer darted under the bed he claimed.

He slid the duffel out from under it, and stood up quickly.

"I-I'm leaving now, Yvonne. Th-Thank you for always being so nice to me."

"Leaving? Leaving wh-"

"Better things, Yvonne!"

Spencer quickly pecked her cheek, something he had never done before with anyone. But it seemed fitting- she was so kind and he was leaving with no explanation. As he got back into the entrance area, he couldn't help but feel pure ecstasy as he watched Agent Hotchner give him a quick smile while waiting at the door. This was it- the job he always dreamed of and a safe roof over his head.

Spencer _finally,_ felt a sense of being whole. 


	3. French Toast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron invites Spencer upstairs for breakfast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This vibeboard is just for the house's imagery (basement is bottom right btw)

Aaron Hotchner yawned, sitting up in his bed. His head turned to the smart speaker that was sitting on his nightstand and saw that it was five past nine. He swung his legs over the side and rubbed his eyes to try and wake himself up quicker. 

_'Might as well invite the kid for breakfast- God knows he isn't eating.'_ Aaron thought as he stood up.

He quickly changed out of his boxers and into a pair of jeans and a brown sweater, brushing his hair swiftly afterwards. While he put on socks, he frowned as he heard a soft thud from what sounded like the basement. He looked up in alarm and panic began to fill his brain and he hurried downstairs. He stopped at the basement door, knocking hastily. He didn't know what it was about the kid but he immensely concerned him.

"Spencer? You okay?"

He replied quickly, his voice breaking.

"Y-Yeah! _M'fine!_ "

Aaron opened the door, not believing him in the slightest. He rushed down the white wooden steps, stopping at the scene before him. Since Spencer moved in a week before, Aaron profiled three main things about the kid- he didn't trust a soul, was probably abused by a parent by how he flinches and constantly keeps his distance, and seemed _very_ behind socially. He also always avoided the questions about his family and his childhood, which saddened Aaron; the teen he was housing obviously seemed to be going through something very hard.

"I-I was trying t-to get this picture down, b-but I slipped off the arm of the c-couch."

Spencer sat in the middle of the living area in front of the plush white couch with his legs out. He was holding an 8x10 picture frame of a painting Aaron had bought a couple years before. It was of a farmhouse, with fields in the back and a tractor in the front. Not really Aaron's style of art, but he had bought it from a charity auction so he thought he might as well make use of it.

"Are you okay? Does anywhere hurt?"

Aaron kept his voice gentle as he bent down, so he wouldn't startle him. He knew Spencer was almost eighteen, but he seemed to be more comfortable if Aaron talked to him as if he was a kid. He noticed on the first few days that Spencer experienced minor regression from time to time so he had begun treating him as if he was the age he regressed to; which was commonly eight.

Spencer responded by shaking his head, glancing at his knee.

"N-No, sir. J-Just a little sore." He chuckled nervously at the end of his sentence.

Aaron smiled comfortingly despite feeling worried that he was still so cautious around him. And he was still calling him 'sir' even though he had continuously told him he didn't have to.

"Why did you want the picture down?"

Spencer suddenly blushed madly.

"I-I uh, didn- I d-di-" He looked away from Aaron, suddenly biting his his forefinger nail harshly.

"I c-can put it back up." He said firmly, going to stand.

Aaron frowned in concern as he put his hand out to stop him.

"No, no, it's okay. We can leave it down. Does it… remind you of something?"

Aaron instantly regretted trying to get him open up as Spencer looked shook his head quickly, suddenly looking almost sick. Aaron just nodded in understanding, glancing at him as he took the picture.

"I'm about to make breakfast, do you want to join? French toast this morning." He said, trying to change the subject.

Spencer looked away and nodded.

"Sure." He whispered, standing slowly.

Aaron followed suite, and they both departed up the staircase.

"Do you like french toast?" He asked casually.

"I've never t-tried it." Spencer said as they reached the first floor.

Aaron's home was a classic suburban home, just with a little renovations of his own. He had black leather couches in the living room, sitting beside a stone wall holding a fireplace and a mahogany coffee table in the centre. An expensive flatscreen sat mounted above the stone wall, which was funny because Aaron rarely watched tv.

"You can watch something while I get breakfast ready if you want." He said upon reaching the kitchen.

Aaron liked open spaces, so he had the kitchen wall removed when he moved in. His kitchen actually was designed by David, who made it into a chef's dream- otherwise known as the 'Dream Of David Rossi'. It had a marble island in the middle, and wooden table to the side. Aaron's favorite part about the kitchen was the double oven and beautiful gas stove, though. That was commendable design on David's part.

"Um, c-could I look at your book collection?" Spencer asked, looking at Aaron hopefully as he put a bowl and pan on the counter.

"Yeah, course- I don't know if you'll like anything in there though." Aaron chuckled, going through his literature collection in his mind briefly.

Spencer gasped upon reaching the bookcase.

"You have P-Poe _AND_ Melville?!"

Spencer gasped once more.

" _-Their originals??_ "

Aaron raised his eyebrows with amusement as Spencer gingerly grabbed his copies of "Tales Of The Grotesque And Arabesque" and "Moby Dick" from the tall bookcase by the fireplace. Most teens didn't even know who the two were- let alone care if Aaron had original copies of their works. He sat down abruptly on the ground, slowly opening one of the books.

"Spencer, you can sit on the couch you know." He said, chuckling slightly.

"R-Right. Sorry." Spencer hurriedly stood up and went to sit over on the leather couch nearest the large window and settled the books in his lap eagerly.

Aaron smiled at him softly before going back to preparing breakfast. So far, living with Spencer had been quite enjoyable. He always had good, interesting conversation, he was kind, tidy and made Aaron laugh. Spencer seemed very well-rounded, but there was still that tugging feeling at the back of his mind. He was so nervous all the time, it was without a doubt that someone had hurt him before. In what way what was the question.

But what confused Aaron the most was that he passed all his psych evals- it didn't describe him as having any mental disorder or impairment in any way, but Aaron saw all the signs of early stages of PTSD. So either Aaron's profiling skills were depleting or Spencer was a really, really good liar. He really hoped for the former. If he was right about him having PTSD though, he felt it wouldn't be right to let him join the Bureau while in such a delicate state. As Aaron flipped the savoury toast, he glanced at Spencer every so often as he read. He seemed so happy in the moment that he almost didn't want to interrupt.

"Yours is ready. Do you want some icing sugar?"

"Icing sugar?" Spencer asked, looking confused as Aaron pulled a bag out of the cupboard.

"It's like sugar, but better."

"Y-yes please." He responded while walking to the bookcase.

Spencer put the books back with such care, his fingers lingering on them for a moment.

"Feel free to come up and read anytime you want."

He gave him a smile as he took his fingers away.

"Thank you."

Spencer sat down in the chair farthest away from Aaron as he set down his plate.

"It looks amazing, sir." He commented as Aaron went back to the stove to prepare his own toast.

"Thanks. My cooking skills are weak compared to my friend Dave's, but I try."

Spencer took a slow bite besides the compliment he gave, seeming like he didn't trust what was in front of him. As soon as he tasted it though, Aaron watched the toast disappear within two minutes. He smiled with amusement, shaking his head as he finished up cooking. He had helped Spencer stock the fridge that he had downstairs so he could freely cook as he pleased, but the day before when he had gone to put more in, he discovered that Spencer had only eaten a few grapes, bread and yogurt. Aaron grabbed some mandarin oranges from a bowl on the island as he walked over to the table with his plate.

"You can have some of these too if you're hungry."

Spencer slowly took one after Aaron put them on the table, glancing up at him warily.

"I like oranges." He whispered quietly.

He then proceeded to look down with a blush, probably embarrassed from his comment.

"I have some orange juice in the fridge, would you like any?"

Spencer looked to the steel fridge a few feet away, shaking his head.

"No, I'm alright." He whispered. 

"Water?"

Spencer shook his head again.

"No thank you sir."

"You don't have to call me sir, son."

"R-Right… sorry."

He began peeling the orange, looking unsettled in some way. Aaron stared at him long and hard, feeling more and more wary of putting the teen in the bureau. Something was eating him up, and Aaron needed to find out why. He couldn't live with himself if he put the kid into such a dangerous world. 

"Would you like to go meet the team you'll be working with today? It's our day off and they were planning to have lunch together at some Italian restaurant my friend Dave likes."

Spencer looked up, biting his lip.

"Today…?"

"I promise they're super nice, kiddo. Our tech analyst Garcia has been wanting me to introduce you since you got placed."

Spencer stood up abruptly. Aaron looked at him in surprise, putting his fork down slowly on his plate with a clink.

"U-Um, I do-don’t think I can, sir. Th-Thank you, though."

Spencer tore off from the kitchen before Aaron could even reply. He frowned, blinking a couple times.

_'Did I say something? What just happened?'_

He sat back in his chair, taking a breath. Spencer was an enigma. He was a seasoned profiler and still couldn't place what was going on with him. He could see the major anxiety and signs of abuse present with him, but didn't know how he managed to pass his evals. FBI evaluations were designed to be hard to manipulate so if Spencer did sway it in some way, he must have had a really good reason to do so. Aaron sighed as he stood and put their plates in the sink. Hopefully his team would give him some insight when they had the chance to meet him the following week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aight keep in mind that despite the fact Spencer was locked in his house for sixteen years he still has an IQ of 187 and was a very fast learner when it came to reading/math.


	4. First Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer meets the team and is shown where he'll be working

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm getting tired of the filler chapters too lol- fluff and whump galore next chap:)   
> Also, the chapters are set to alternate between Aaron's perspective and Spencer's to keep things interesting lol.

"-seen such beautifully written programs, it's just- God, you're a literal _genius!_ "

Penelope Garcia stood in front of the group of profilers, shaking Spencer's hand vigorously. She looked absolutely elated to finally be meeting the one and only Spencer Reid and could not contain herself. Spencer, though, did not seem as thrilled to be meeting her. His gaze was shifted to the ground, and Aaron watched as he nervously tugged at the bottom of his striped white and pink dress shirt with his free hand.

He had bought him a new wardrobe, despite Spencer's hesitation on the matter. He kept assuring Aaron that he was fine- that he would buy them with his own money, but that didn't sit with Aaron. He noticed over the couple weeks he had lived with him that the young genius had never been spoiled or gifted something in his life by the way he acted towards basic kindness; and Aaron wanted to change that. 

"You're like royalty in the department- Kevin and Jordan are so excited they haven't shut up and already made your desk up and I got you cupcakes which I hope isn't weird but who doesn't like cupcakes righ-"

" _Garcia._ "

Aaron gave her a look and she suddenly noticed Spencer's perturbed expression; dropping his hand.

"Sorry! Your work is just so beautifully coded!"

Aaron watched as Spencer forced a smile, starting to fidget with his hands as he warily looked between his new team members. They were standing a few feet away from the glass doors of the BAU as their team greeted them and Spencer didn't look in his comfort zone _at all_. Aaron frowned, not liking for him to be so distressed and decided to get the meet-and-greet over with.

"That, as you just found out, is Penelope." Aaron chuckled half way through his words.

"And that is Emily, JJ, Rossi and Derek." He pointed to each of them.

Spencer put his hand up shyly in greeting, giving a small smile.

"C-Could you show me where I'll b-be working sir?" He asked, not giving the others time to greet him. 

Aaron nodded, looking to Penelope.

"Garcia, want to come show Spencer your… 'lair' as you call it?"

"Obviously! Come, Spencer!" She grinned in excitement.

She grabbed his thin hand to pull him in the direction of the tech department, but Spencer pulled it back like she was fire. Penelope looked surprised for a moment, and glanced at Aaron to see a look that said 'brush it off'. So she smiled lightly before leading the way to their office, her pink high heels clinking on the linoleum. 

"I hope you like your desk. I put a little of my stuff on there even though Kevin says they,"

Garcia put up air quotes mockingly. 

" _'Clash with the vibe'._ "

They reached Garcia's office and as she opened the door, Kevin Lynch and Jordan Todd whooped in celebration.

"The man himself!" Kevin shouted, rushing to shake his hand.

Jordan followed suite, but Garcia gave them both a look that made them stop in confusion. Spencer raised his hand again in greeting, but looked a little more relaxed as he took in the sight of monitors and wires. He adjusted the glasses on his nose, a small smile forming on his lips.

"This, our little genius, is _'The Lair!_ " Garcia said, walking into the room and making a wall between him and the two other tech agents.

Aaron silently praised her for trying to stop Kevin and Jordan shaking his hand. When Spencer was settled and busy, he would give his team a quick briefing on his suspicions with what was going on with Spencer.

"And this, is your des- _Kevin why did you move the yoda?!_ " Garcia huffed, going over to her desk and picking up a funko pop Yoda in annoyance.

"it clashes, babe!" He said in defense as she put it on the desk that they made up for Spencer.

It was to the right of the room, beside Jordan's. Kevin's sat beside Garcia's but was smaller than the others due to him being Garcia's assistant. Aaron, for the life of him, did not know why he gave up his last position to be an "assistant" but he assumed it had to do with the fact he was head over heels for Penelope. Love works in weird ways apparently- not like Aaron would know, though. His wife left him years ago because of his commitment to work and not her; it did pain him to have her gone but he tried not to think about it. He never really was great at relationships anyway.

"This is… _m-my_ desk?" Spencer asked in bewilderment, staring at the setup that his new teammates had done for him.

There were two main monitors- Aaron didn’t know computers well but the CPU looked to be what Garcia would call a "kick-ass system". Glowing keyboard and mouse sat in front of it, with plain stationary equipment in a pile beside them. What Spencer seemed to be focused on though was the various little knick-knacks and figurines spread across his desk.

"He's from.. Star Wars, right?"

He held the Yoda figurine up with a questioning look.

"Yup! Do you like him?"

"Y-Yes, thank you- for all of this, I love it so much!"

He began touching all the other things around the desk, inspecting them with such interest; almost if it was a puzzle.

"See, _told you_."

Penelope shoved Kevin playfully and he rolled his eyes.

"I chose the keyboard, by the way. If you don't like green I think I've got orange." He said, stepping a bit closer to Spencer.

"No one wants your orange keyboard Kevin- now _that_ is a clash." Jordan teased.

Spencer smiled at Kevin genuinely. Aaron couldn't help but feel admiration for the teen- he hadn't seen him truly happy yet and this was the first time he gave anyone a true smile. He also was much calmer- his shoulders were relaxed, he wasn't fidgeting and for the first time since they got to the BAU his full lips weren't curled into the seemingly permanent frown he always wore. 

"No, this is g-good. I used to have a green k-keyboard at m-my old job."

He touched it slightly, looking thoughtful. Aaron could tell he missed his old job, but if he was honest, he didn't believe that line of work was safe for Spencer. Fuck, he was only seventeen and had looked through thousands of perverted images, disgusting chats, and has had to pose as children in the past to catch predators. It just didn't sit well with Aaron that someone who definitely had mental health issues continuously was exposed to such things.

So right after he suspiciously passed his evals, he made sure Penelope, Kevin and Jordan knew that Spencer was to _only_ work on coding software for the BAU and was to not be exposed to the images that would forever come on their screens. They all agreed without question. 

"Th-Thank you for making my desk s-so cool." Spencer said quietly while looking at the group of three with a blush.

"Course!" Garcia and Kevin both said in unison.

They then shot a glare at one another and Aaron laughed.

"Well, you settled in then kiddo?"

Aaron saw Spencer suddenly flash him the same look as he did the other day at breakfast. It looked like panic mixed with confusion- he really didn't like being called 'kiddo' apparently.

"Y-Yes, sir." He responded while giving a quick nod.

"Okay, well, I'll be in my office if you need anything." He gave him a firm, yet sincere look so he knew he meant it.

And with that, he left Spencer to start his first day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jordan Todd always was one of my fav minor characters and I've wanted to write her for a bit now. More minor characters will come into play as I go along. Feel free to give me suggestions on who you want in the story!


	5. The Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer finally breaks- Hotch is there to pick up the pieces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [TW: The whole chapter has blood/self harm in it, and obviously mentions of abuse.  
> I know I already put TW but I still like to do them each chap if theres a huge scene containing them.] Alright- here is your promised whump/fluff jackpot chapter lol- enjoy!

Spencer took deep breaths, trying to ground himself as footsteps echoed in his ears. He put his back slowly against the white bathroom wall, and looked up at the ceiling as the footsteps paused and continued. He _knew_ it was just Aaron, he _knew_ it was- but it still made him think of his father's thundering feet prowling above his head.

The distressed teen pulled his knees up and hugged them to his chest in a vice-like grip. Thoughts, memories, and sounds began to flood his brain dangerously; swirling into a looming storm cloud that began weighing him down heavily. Spencer let a whimper escape his lips as he laid his cheek against his bare knee.

\---

_"Little slut, aren't yo-"_

\---

"No, no, no, no!" Spencer squeezed his eyes shut and put his hands against his head as the sickening voice of William Reid stabbed his eardrums.

He began hyperventilating, not being prepared for this panic attack in the _slightest_. He thought they had stopped- he hadn't had one since leaving his and Ash's shed. He tried to place his hands on the ground and click his fingers; two things Ash had taught him to calm himself. But neither worked. He didn't even know what set him off- he _had_ felt out of sorts for the past few days though, now that he thought about it. Of course Spencer was immensely enjoying coding new software for the FBI and _loved_ how nice his new teammates were, but his agitation seemed to be rising for a reason unbeknownst to him. It was also his birthday in a few days, which had never been a nice event in the past.

\---

_"I said stay fucking still-"_

\---

Spencer hit his head against the wall with a loud thud, looking up at the ceiling as tears sprung into his eyes. He could actually feel his father's thick, calloused fingers crawling up on his neck; threatening to choke the air out of his lungs. He just wanted it to stop; he was tired of hearing him and seeing him in his sleep. He thought at first that it was a one-time thing- that it was just… part of getting over what happened. But then it kept getting worse, and worse, and now he felt that he was going insane.

\---

_"Mhm, aren't you-"_

\---

" _NO_ ** _!_** " He shouted, banging his hand against the wall beside him.

Spencer shot to the cupboard under the sink, making the most hasty and un-thought decision of his life. He grabbed a pack of razors and shakily ripped the top open, grabbing one and taking the head off while he cracked the plastic open swiftly. The teen didn't even know what his end goal was- at this point in his panic, he didn't care if he lived or died and hoped to bleed out, but also just wanted to feel something other than William's voice echoing in his ears. Starting more pain seemed to be the trick to fixing that.

He had never harmed himself before but had used razor blades in the past to cut the ropes that his father loved to use on him, so he was quite fast with getting them apart. Spencer breathed heavily as he laid his legs out on the cold tile and placed his left arm on his thigh. The fabric of his boxers scratched his knee and he brushed them up slightly. And just like that, he began carving into himself swiftly and mechanically.

"Whore… f-fucking _whore_ …" Spencer hissed, switching arms.

Tears fell from his haunted eyes and mixed with the blood on his arms; which was getting dangerously messy. It was dropping into the cracks of the tiles, beginning to ooze around them like a stream.

"Spencer?" Aaron's voice drifted through the door followed by a few knocks.

"You okay? I heard you shout…"

He knew Aaron was speaking through the door, but it's like his mind was on overdrive. He didn't even register that he needed to respond. He felt… _free_ , in some weird way. He didn't feel William, and could no longer hear him. To Spencer, the situation he was in was almost bliss.

"Spencer? Spencer, answer me."

He squeezed his eyes shut with a jolt as a memory assaulted his consciousness, drifting away from the present despite still working on the task at hand.

************************

_"ANSWER ME YOU LITTLE SHIT!"_

_Spencer let out a cry, hugging himself tighter around his middle. His father stood a few feet away beside the ratty door-less cupboard, an opened bag of dry pasta sitting haphazardly in the middle._

_"I-I d-did! I-I t-took s-some!" He was shaking violently at the idea of what was to come._

_"Get the_ _fuck_ _over here." William said menacingly, angrily unbuckling his belt._

_Spencer whimpered, drudgingly stepping towards his father._

_"D-Daddy, I-"_

_"Shut it."_

_He tried to prepare himself for the beating, but the fear was perplexing him as it always did. William shoved him over the counter and put the belt in his face._

_"You think you ca-"_

_***********************_

Spencer gasped as his vision was graced with clarity- or should we say, the bloody bathroom floor.

"-razor go! _Spencer, stop_!"

He suddenly felt strong arms around him, then his fingers be pried apart from the razor in his hands. He cried out, trying to get away from whoever was holding him.

"'FF! DON' WAN' IH'! GAH 'WAY!" He screamed fearfully, his words not properly forming.

"It's Aaron buddy, it’s Aaron! You're safe!"

Spencer looked up to see a pair of deep, concerned brown eyes staring at him with a harrowing expression.

_'Aaron… Hotchner…'_ He thought in relief.

The distressed young agent choked out a cry as he tried to breathe deeply and get a sense of reality back. There was so much blood all over his hands, and on his knees. Spencer began to shake, not liking the sight one bit. He felt Aaron hug him soothingly, but not too tight as he reached for something he couldn’t see. He jumped in alarm as he heard the sink turn on and frowned, not understanding what Aaron was doing.

"Just gonna get you cleaned up, bud. Deep breaths, okay?"

Spencer whimpered as he felt a cold cloth be pressed against his left arm, and he tried to clench his right one to distract himself. Sudden stimulation that was either too cold or too hot upset him very much.

"Hey, hey. None of that."

He frowned, obliging and shakily taking breath after breath, trying to stop the tears and slight hiccups. Aaron shushed him soothingly and caressed his bloody elbow with his free hand.

"It's okay, you're okay now."

He began cleaning his other arm, and while he was, Spencer watched the cuts he had just cleaned began bleeding again. He went to clench his wounds, starting to sicken at the sight of what he had done, but Aaron shooed his hand away with his own. Once the blood was gone and the white cloth turned crimson, Aaron grabbed bandages from under the sink and put a couple large ones on the bad ones, leaving the rest to be wrapped.

"You didn't go too deep, thankfully. We're going to need to keep these clean though." Aaron commented absently, seemingly lost in thought.

The teen tried to wiggle free from his grasp, the severity of the situation suddenly fully coming into play for him. His boss was _holding him_ \- caring for his wounds while his blood lay messily all over his pants and hands.

_Spencer thought he might die right there._

" _Hey_ , hey, just sit for a sec kiddo."

Spencer felt a familiar sickening feeling grow in his chest, as it always did when Aaron called him 'kiddo'. He didn't understand why. It made him want to flee but also hide in his arms at the same time. He chose the former, but Aaron stopped him again.

"Shh, shh, let's just talk, bud. It's alright."

He shook his head, not liking how nice his superior was being.

_'This is a trick…'_ He thought in panic.

"Okay- we don't have to talk. Could I just hold you then?"

Spencer furrowed his eyebrows.

_'Holding means icky things.. Don't want to do that again… why is he asking me? I thought he was nice. I thought he wasn't mean like him.'_

His slowly regressing brain went over and over the threat he thought he was in.

"D' wa' ih…" He whined, attempting to wiggle free from Aaron once again.

Spencer blushed at the sound of his words, beginning to cry again as he became more frustrated.

"What's that?" Aaron prodded ever so carefully, putting his head closer to his.

"Don' wa' ih!" 

"Don't want what?" His voice was as gentle as honey while he rubbed his large hand over the top of Spencer's arm.

Spencer knew Aaron wouldn't hurt him- he saw how kind his soul and heart was- but the little version of the genius did not know any better than to be afraid.

"I-I- b-be good- _pro'is_!" He came out with, beginning to bite his knuckle harshly.

"Spencer, what don't you want?" Aaron pressed, slowly taking his hand away from his mouth and holding it.

He looked at their hands, then up at the older agent; his lip wobbling with the threat of sobs. 

"Y-You t-ta t-touch me- d-don' wan' t'at."

He heard Aaron's breath hitch in his chest and his face turned to shock. He then tightened his arms slightly, his brow furrowing in what looked like anger.

"Do you mean… _inappropriately?_ "

Spencer pushed away a fresh set of tears. He didn't like games. His father played mind games with him and roleplay and he hated it with a passion; it always made him have a sick feeling in his tummy. 

"P-P'ease, sir, _p-p'ease_ …" He pleaded desperately, tears spilling out of his eyes as the panic swirled in his chest.

Suddenly, Spencer felt Aaron take a shaky breath and he pulled him up onto his lap. To his surprise, the older agent then guided Spencer's head gently into his chest, beginning to rub his hair soothingly. The teen wanted to fight it, but it almost felt.. nice.

"I would _never_ do that Spencer. Never."

His voice was so firm, but it wavered, almost like he was close to tears. It confused Spencer. He was… sad? The teen braved a glance up at the older man, trying to see if he meant what he was saying.

"Has someone done that to you before?" He asked, putting a hand softly on his cheek.

Spencer suddenly felt the swirl of panic disperse as he felt Aaron's tender hand and took in his expression. It was deep and concerned; his lips turned downward not in anger, but intense worry. 

'Not mad.. He isn't mad…'

He sighed, not responding to him as he laid his head back on his grey "George Washington University" tee; letting Aaron's hand fall from his cheek.

"Spencer..."

Spencer bit his lip as Aaron began rubbing his back. He regretted saying anything, but it felt so nice to have someone care. He didn't even realize it might feel good to be held- actually held, not in the grip of a psychopath. He shook his head in response to Aaron, going over the possible outcomes of telling him; but all of them involved him yelling or thinking he was dirty so he decided against it.

"You can trust me, I promise buddy."

It was hard to even imagine trusting someone, but memories of the time they had spent together so far replayed in his mind and he felt that he could trust the man holding him. He just had to get passed the fear of what Aaron would do when he found out.

"Y-You gon' be m-mad… Y-You w-won' l-le' me stay 'ere ay'more." He whispered, fidgeting with a stray thread from one of the bandages on his right arm.

Aaron said something Spencer didn't hear as he took a deep breath in, and he hugged him tighter. 

"Spencer, this is your _home_ , and I could never be mad at you for being hurt by someone, alright? You did _nothing_ wrong and whoever hurt you deserves to go to jail."

Spencer clenched a fistful of Aaron's shirt as sobs brewed in his chest. He swallowed them down, trying to concentrate on how warm and safe his embrace felt. Ash used to hug him, but only rarely; he had never been held before in the way Aaron was holding him and he wanted to stay there forever.

" _He's scary_." He breathed, hoping Aaron would understand his hesitation not to tell him what happened or who hurt him.

His father had never threatened that he would hurt him if he told someone; William was always under the assumption there would be no one to tell. But the fear that he would find him if he ever reported him to the police lingered in the back of Spencer's mind, making a root of sorts in the back of his brain.

Aaron touched his chin lightly, raising it so was looking at him eye to eye.

"He will _not_ get to you. I won't let him."

Spencer remembered that small bubble of trust he felt before. Aaron was kind, and loving, and _strong_ \- he knew he really would protect him if William ever did try and come for him. He bit his lip nervously as the urge to tell Aaron who hurt him bubbled in his throat. But instead of fighting it, he took a breath and opened his mouth to speak.

A cough came out; like a rock was blocking his vocals. He frowned in annoyance.

"Hard to say?"

Spencer nodded, looking up at him in distress.

"Do you wanna write it? Or draw it maybe?" He suggested.

Spencer pouted, giving him a thoughtful look. Writing it seemed much, much safer and easier as he wouldn't have to utter a word. He nodded, and Aaron began to move slightly. 

"How about we go get a piece of-"

Spencer reached down, beginning to slowly trace the letter "D" into the cold tile with his forefinger. The older agent leaned over, studying what he was writing intently. It was like Spencer was in a trance as he traced the other letters; tears streaming down his cheeks.

Aaron took a deep breath after the last letter; a 'Y" was spelt out.

"Thank you for telling me that kiddo. So brave. _So,_ _so brave_." He gently kissed the top his head as he brought him back into his chest and Spencer, finally broke at the seams.

Maybe it was being called 'kiddo' again; maybe it was the soft kiss on the top of his head and being called 'brave', but either way, he was breaking like glass in the basement bathroom. Agonizing sobs fell from Spencer's lips, and his chest shook violently as the last seventeen years of hell came pouring out in his cries. Aaron just rocked him slowly, whispering soothing words every few minutes.

"I d-don' wanna b-be dir'y a'ymore…" Spencer managed between sobs, his breath hitching at every second word.

"Oh, sweet boy, no, no-" Aaron gently brushed his thumb over Spencer's temple repeatedly.

"You are _not_ dirty. Not one bit."

"I-I- di' bad t'ings."

"You didn't do those things. He did them to you, okay?"

Spencer took another shaky breath, wanting so badly for all the terrible feelings to go away and his voice to go back to normal. He felt so _stupid_ \- he was an agent of the FBI now and yet, he was crying like a five year old. He wanted to believe what Aaron was saying to him, but he didn't know what the truth really was. He never did.

"I mean it Spencer. You did nothing wrong- don't ever think you did."

Aaron kissed the top of his head again, and rubbed Spencer's arm a few times before looking down at him.

"Understand?" He asked in a firm tone.

Spencer nodded, not understanding but deciding not to argue on the matter. He felt if Aaron knew exactly what he had participated in he wouldn't still think the same.

"Y-Yes s-sir." He hiccupped slightly.

" _Good boy._ " Aaron said softly, resting his cheek against his messy curls. 

Spencer's heart lurched at the choice of nickname. He had never been called that before- only the opposite, actually. It made him want to completely let go of the walls that covered every inch of his soul- to let Aaron know the all the horrors that had happened to him and in return, actually feel some sort of comfort. When he was younger, his only comfort was imagination and the 'stuffed animal' he had made out of old dish rags. He had never received positive touch until he met Ash on that dirt road he was running for his life on.

**********

_"Shit, man are you okay?! Where's your shoes? Are you hurt?! A curly haired teenager rushed out of a green 1980's Honda, walking into the middle of the dirt road where a shoeless Spencer was standing._

_Spencer didn't respond, his heart racing so fast he felt it might leap out of his chest. He didn't know how long he had ran for but there was a cramp forming in his side, and he could feel blood oozing in between his toes; he must have cut himself, he thought dismissively. There were more important matters to Spencer than a cut foot, though; for there was a real, breathing human in front of him._

_"Bro? You good? What happened to you?" The teen looked very concerned as he approached, and Spencer tried to rack his brain on how to respond or if he was even safe with this guy._

_The curly haired boy suddenly put both hands on his arms and Spencer took a sharp breath in. His hands were soft, gentle- almost surreal; it made Spencer break at the fact he was feeling something pure. He fell into the other boy, shaking violently as fast breaths came out. The boy hugged him tightly, patting his back a few times._

_"Shi- It's alright, you're okay, man- I've got you. I've got you."_

_Spencer revelled in the feeling of the serenity that was going through his body, a small, relieved smile forming on his lips._

************

"Good b-boy…" Spencer repeated quietly, clenching and unclenching a fistful of Aaron's shirt.

"That's right." Aaron whispered back, rubbing the pad of his thumb over the crook of his elbow. 

It was then, just like with Ash, that Spencer felt serenity flow through him gracefully. He snuggled tightly into Aaron, deciding his chest his where he wanted his true home to be.

"How about we the rest of you cleaned up, hm?" Aaron didn't wait for a response, and moved them slightly closer to the sink.

He grabbed another cloth, this time blue, and it was then as he turned the sink on that Spencer realized how much blood he had on his arms, hands and legs. He whimpered, feeling icky and gross. He didn't like being unclean, nor did he like germs, so being covered in his own blood was greatly unnerving him. 

Aaron hushed him softly.

"It's okay, I've got it. And the water is warm this time, promise."

He put the cloth on Spencer's hands first, gently rubbing the blood off his palms and fingers. Spencer just watched, mesmerized by how tenderly he was handling every finger and inch of his hands. He wrung out the cloth every couple minutes, and soon, he was starting on his legs.

"I'm gonna put you on the side of the tub, 'kay bud?"

Spencer pouted, trying to stop Aaron from moving him.

"Why?" He asked in confusion as he was sat on the side of the smooth white bathtub.

"Just so I can get all the blood off you. I'll be gentle, kiddo. Promise."

Spencer could tell Aaron sensed his uneasiness about having his legs touched in such way, and he was glad he did because he was even more careful with him. Spencer almost felt as if he was a little kid, like the ones he saw on TV being cared for by their parents after getting hurt from a fall or when sick. Aaron gently massaged the blood off, holding Spencer's hand when he started trying to bite at the skin on his knuckle. As he began getting closer to the hem of one of the legs of Spencer's boxers, the wounded teen whimpered, shoving the cloth away in protest.

"Sorry buddy; almost done." Aaron patted his arm as he wrung the cloth once more.

He then began wiping the last of the blood off, which was on the inside of Spencer's thighs. Spencer watched him warily as he stopped abruptly, and noticed that Aaron was staring at the deep bite marks that littered his pale skin. The distressed teen bit his lip, closing his legs tightly in embarrassment.

"All finished." The older agent said quietly, giving Spencer a reassuring smile.

He put the cloth in the sink, and Spencer shook his head vigorously. Aaron cocked his in confusion once he saw he was doing so.

"You… don't want the cloth in the sink?"

"I-I gotta c'ean…" He pointed to the floor, and Aaron shook his head while giving a tender smile.

"No, no, I'll do that later buddy. How about we get you into bed, hm? You gotta be super tired from all that."

Spencer shrugged slightly.

"You don't have to go to work tomorrow- you and I can take a day off, how's that sound?"

Before Spencer could reply, Aaron had picked him up swiftly and began walking upstairs. Once he noticed they had passed his room, he began to panic; thinking that his superior was planning on hurting him in his _own_ bed- just like his father had.

"Ah'ron…?"

"Yeah kiddo?"

"Wh-Where we going?"

"My bed. I don't feel right leaving you alone tonight."

Spencer blinked a couple times as he processed what the older man was saying. He laid his head down slowly on his chest, figuring out Aaron was just worried about him- he didn't want to hurt him. Once they reached his bedroom, Spencer looked around in interest. He had only seen one adult bedroom before in his life and this one, was the exact opposite of his father's. It had warm tones, white curtains on the large windows and a modern king sized bed set against the far wall. Strangely designed bookcases sat against the other walls, and a large wooden desk was placed in front of the window. Spencer blinked in surprise as he saw photos of the ocean framed around the room.

"Pretty…" He stated, eyes gazing deep into the one by Aaron's desk; as if he was trying to join the scene entirely.

Aaron placed Spencer on the bed and looked to where his focus was.

"Aren't they? Do you like going to the ocean?"

"Ne'er been t'ere, b-but it ve'y pretty." Spencer said, pressing his lips together as the sound of his speech went through his ears.

He always saw videos and photos of the ocean, and it looked so magnificent to the young genius. He wanted so badly to feel the sand in his palm and hold beautiful seashells while saltwater graced his toes; it had been a dream of his since he was little. He looked up in worry when he noticed Aaron hadn't responded.

"But kiddo- the ocean is right…"

Spencer bit his lip as he watched his superiors expression. He looked like he was figuring out a very hard equation.. Or maybe angry? Spencer couldn't place it.

"How long have you been in Virginia, love?" Aaron suddenly asked.

"M-My 'ole l-life." Spencer managed out, swallowing back the threat of tears.

He couldn't tell what Aaron was thinking or feeling at all; it usually helped him gauge what would come next but the older man's expressions and question were confusing him. Spencer jolted as he sat next to him, biting his lip as he braved a glance up.

"Where did you grow up? Like, what town were you born in?"

Spencer frowned at the words 'grow up', hearing William's distant yelling in the back of his mind. It was one of his favorite things to say when Spencer was exasperated from his torture or just crying in general. Instead of responding to the question, Spencer looked and the ground and put his knuckle in his mouth; sucking lightly. 

"Okay, buddy, it's okay."

Aaron patted his arm reassuringly as he pulled the covers back. Spencer heard the distant yelling dim as he watched the older man prop the pillows up.

"Hop in, kiddo. Softest blankets in the world." He joked, going to the other side of the bed.

Spencer cautiously got into the bed, watching Aaron the whole time. At first, he made sure there was a large gap between them; curling into a fetal position as he tried to assess the situation. But as Aaron put his large, muscular arm out in invitation, Spencer scurried under it eagerly; wanting to feel that same serenity that he had felt in the bathroom. He blushed upon hearing Aaron chuckle when he laid his head on his chest.

"Sleep well, Spence." He said, beginning to run his fingers through his loose brown curls.

Spencer obliged, and went into the very first calm, peaceful sleep of his life while tucked into the safe arms of a very awake, and _extremely_ worried Aaron Hotchner. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I feel like the offical song for this whole fic is "Big Bad World" by Kodaline- tell me I'm wrong lol.  
> Also, Triangle is a real neighborhood in Virginia and is right next to Quantico. (if anyone was wondering)


	6. Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron calls a few of his agents to his house to discuss what Spencer told him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the late update! I live in semi-high altitudes in Western Canada and we have been preparing for that snow storm they've been warning about. Well, it is here and my god is it coming down lol; I wanted to get this posted before I have a classic four day power outage. See you guys soon, and enjoy the chapter! The next chap will be about Spencer's birthday- so stay tuned:)

"This is everything?"

"Yes, sir."

Aaron shuffled through a stack of papers, staring at them intently as he looked for something in particular.

"No school records? Hospital? _Doctor?_ All you found was a birth certificate and social insurance number?" His voice was curt and angry as he stared at Penelope.

Aaron, Penelope, Derek and JJ were standing and sitting around Aaron's living room, all holding the most solemn of faces. He had called them about an hour previous, picking them specifically because he knew they could help him the best on this. Derek, because he always supported him during fucked up times, Penelope, for obvious reasons, and JJ, because he needed coaching on how to talk to Spencer about the abuse. She was usually the one who worked with abuse victims as she was a woman, and was better at approaching tough questions than Aaron was. Spencer was currently asleep in Aaron's bedroom after a particularly hard morning; having cried himself out from six am to noon. He was thankful that the kid finally fell asleep as he was desperate to get to the bottom of where Spencer came from and what had happened to him.

The previous night, the fear he constantly had at the back of his mind had proven true. Spencer had been _horrifically_ _abused_ \- more so than Aaron ever thought he had. He figured he had an abusive parent, but he was under the assumption it was only physical, not sexual as well. It was tearing him up on the inside to know that the teen he was housing had been through such horrors, and that because of it, he had tried to take his own life. Spencer denied that was his goal, but Aaron saw the determination in him as he was slicing away at himself on the bathroom floor; that drive only happened when someone was trying to make the pain stop completely.

Spencer hadn't elaborated much on what his father did to him, but Aaron figured out some of the torture when he saw the bite marks on the inside of his pale thighs. It's not like it was the first time Aaron had seen such things- he had worked with _hundreds_ of abused kids and adults, but this was the first time he had a dark, angry feeling in the pit of his stomach; swirling dangerously as it plotted to destroy whoever hurt the boy in front of him. Maybe it was because Spencer was one of his agents, or because he was so childlike- _maybe it was both;_ but either way, Aaron felt bile rise in his throat every time he thought about what Spencer endured. 

"That's all that exists, sir. I did find quite a bit on his father's life though. His name is William Reid and I managed to get the info on the properties he owns, where he grew up, where he works, his employee list, and all his bank statements. But, um… I found out… _something else_ , sir."

She hesitated upon handing Aaron the next folder, her bright pink fingernails digging into the beige cardboard. Aaron frowned, trying to grab the file from her.

"What is it?" He barked.

Penelope looked stunned by his choice of tone, and stammered out her reply while putting a lock of blonde hair behind her ear nervously. 

"Y-You've been to his house before. During the Carson Xavier case."

"What?" Aaron gave her a deep stare of confusion as she let the file slip from her fingers.

He opened the file folder hastily, ruffling through the extensive documents quickly. He stopped abruptly as he reached William's current property info; his chest going cold. The property statement included size, address, year of purchase, and title holder, but what made Aaron freeze was the picture of said property.

It was of a secluded run down farm house near the city of Winchester- about an hour's drive from Quantico- and they _had_ been there. Four years previous, they had drove out to the farm to speak to none other than that sadistic fuck; he was one of the witnesses to a serious bank robbery in the area, and they had met up with him to take his statement. Aaron felt tears jump to his eyes as he took in the picture of the ominous farm. He was _there_ ; on _that_ porch- feet away from an abused little boy and he didn't even know it.

_"Hotch…"_ JJ stood up from the black leather couch, putting a hand on his arm in comfort.

Aaron shook her off, walking away swiftly. He took a breath as he tried his best to compose himself.

_'I was there… I was fucking there!'_ The weathered agent thought, clenching his free hand into a fist.

Aaron always did have quite a temper if provoked- Dave would often reprimand him for taking on officers and Strauss- but the anger he felt when one of his team members were hurt was far, far different. Every nerve went on high alert, and he had the strongest urge to bash anyone in that was a part of the situation. He would then go over and over in his mind how he could have prevented the situation, sometimes making himself go crazy. This guilt, would almost end up killing Aaron;

and he knew it.

"Just take a breath, man- let's go over this."

Derek came up behind him and clasped a hand on his shoulder, wrinkling his black long sleeved shirt slightly. Aaron turned, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"We was right there, Derek. Right there- he needed us and we didn't fu-" The distressed unit chief lost the last of his words, taking another shaky breath.

"I know, Hotch. I know. But we've got him now. All that matters now is putting that sick fuck behind bars."

Derek led Aaron to the couch that JJ was sitting on, and he sat down without argument. He then took the files from Aaron's hands, and sat on the couch across from him.

"I'm sorry, sir. I should have- I should have done more digging back then, I could have found out more." Penelope looked close to tears as she sat farthest away from Aaron near the fireplace.

Aaron didn't respond, but instead placed his elbow on his knee and rested his mouth against his mouth in deep thought; staring past Derek to the window behind the couch.

"It's not your fault, baby girl. Pieces of shit like him hide their lifestyle pretty well. Derek said as he opened the file they had on William.

He looked up at Aaron.

"So it lists him here as still married to Spencer's mother, but he's never mentioned her?" Derek asked.

Aaron shook his head.

"No." He said flatly.

"Everything in her record stops after marrying William. I literally couldn't find anything on her." Penelope chimed in, her cherry earrings dangling as she shot her head up to look at Derek.

"Well that's never a good sign." JJ gestured for Derek to hand her parts of William's file he wasn't reading.

JJ was the best dressed out of all of them this afternoon; dawning a new dark blue suit and white blouse coupled with black high heels. It seemed, that Emily was picking her clothes again. Garcia on the other hand, was wearing what she always wore; bright, vibrant colors splashed over her v-neck top, and slight gems were seen on her jeans. Derek was quite the opposite to the girls as usual, and wore a pair of black jeans with a plain grey tee. Aaron couldn't care less what he was wearing as they weren't at work; what with his baggy sweat pants and a black long sleeved shirt that he generally reserved for sleeping. His uni tee was in the wash, currently getting the blood out of the fabric.

"He's a prime supplier of the corn and wheat sold in Virginia- which means he must have quite a bit of employee's working on the farm. And yet no one ever even noticed that their boss had a son locked inside." JJ shook her head, sounding baffled.

During his morning cry, Spencer had opened up to Aaron a bit. He told him about the basement he was forced to spend most his life in, and how he was only allowed upstairs if he was 'extra good'. He talked about 'upstairs time' with somewhat excitement, sharing with Aaron all the tv shows he watched and books he was able to read. Apparently there was no outside time for Spencer unless he was forced to sleep in the cornfield behind his house. Aaron had hugged him extra tight when he said that; imagining the horror of trying to sleep in a freezing cornfield- not knowing what was out there.

It absolutely perplexed Aaron that Spencer was as developed as he was, honestly. Most victims he had worked with that had such trauma happen to them were very, very mentally regressed and had other mental health problems to go along with it. Spencer did show signs of regression at times, but he was able to read, write, talk and go to the bathroom by himself proficiently; unlike other victims.

"I'm gonna fucking kill him." Aaron stated deadpan.

He didn't make any signs of movement, nor did he show any emotion besides the furrowed brow and hard expression; but his team knew that he was seething inside.

"You won't have to. They'll eat him alive in prison." Derek responded, taking back the files from JJ.

Aaron snorted, feeling pleased at that but also annoyed. He didn't want William to have the luxury of death- he wanted him in a cage for his entire life- _suffering,_ just as he made Spencer suffer. He gritted his teeth as he felt another surge of anger at the sick fuck who hurt the child he cared so much for. Before Derek closed the files, he stopped, raising his eyebrows a bit as he looked at Spencer's birth certificate.

"Hotch, his birthday is in two days."

Aaron looked up at Derek once he realized he was being spoken to.

"Mhm?"

"His birthday- it's in two days."

Aaron blinked, not expecting for him to say that. A small smile tugged at his lips before it swiftly broke, as did the well of tears in his eyes.

_"For fuck sakes."_ He breathed out, pushing away the tears angrily.

"He didn-" He took a breath.

"He had his whole fucking childhood ripped from him."

There was silence in the room.

"And I could have _stopped_ it- I could have fu-" Another set of tears spilled past his eyes, and he hid them in the palm of his hand; hating when the team saw him vulnerable.

That day was now completely haunting him. It was him and Dave that went out on that farm four years ago, but it was Aaron that was berating himself, _and only himself_ , for not noticing that they were speaking to a sexually sadistic pedophile. He felt JJ scoot closer to him and slowly put her hand on his upper back. He didn't push her away this time.

"You can't blame yourse-"

_"A-Aaron?"_

Their heads whipped to the staircase, where they saw mismatched socked feet at one the top steps. They were near the wall, as if Spencer was afraid to walk down them and see who was in the living room.

"Yea-Yeah bud, I'm here!" Aaron hurriedly wiped his eyes and rushed over to the staircase.

He smiled lovingly as a sleepy Spencer Reid came into his view. He stood there in his fresh set of clothes- a grey tee with an earth in the middle and plaid pj pants that Aaron had bought a couple days previous for him- rubbing his face with the palm of his hand. Aaron didn't even attempt to change him the night previous, knowing that would set him into a panic attack, so he just let him change himself in the morning when he was a little more coherent. The fatigued teen looked downstairs warily.

"Who's h-here?"

"Just Derek, Penelope and JJ, were ah, having coffee."

For a profiler, Aaron seemed to be a shitty liar.

"O-Oh. Could I Have some t-too?" He slowly walked down the steps, looking up at Aaron innocently.

Aaron felt guilt build up as he saw that Spencer believed his white lie.

"Uh, how about some orange juice? I don't want you drinking coffee 'cause it might get your adrenaline too high.

Spencer reached the bottom steps and pouted slightly, but then nodded up at Aaron with a small smile. He then looked behind the unit chief warily; gazing at the members of his new team.

"Hey buddy- how'd ya sleep?" Derek asked, quickly shutting his file.

"G-Good. Is that work stuff? D-Do you guys need help with anything?" He pointed to the files Derek was holding.

Derek gave him a quick smile and a shook his head.

"No, bud. All good. We just came by for a visit."

"Then w-why do you have files?" Spencer asked with a hint of distrust in his voice.

Aaron could tell Spencer was catching on to what was going on. He kept glancing at the expressions their faces held; clearly trying to figure out why their smiles look so forced.

"Just an old case I needed Hotch's help on." Derek responded, believably (to Aaron, at least) and rather quickly.

He grabbed the orange juice from the fridge, keeping an eye on Spencer out of his peripheral view as he walked over to the marble island and poured a glass for him.

"But you’re the tech buddy, you don't have to worry about that." Derek added, and went to grab the remote to turn on a show; clearly trying to change the subject.

Aaron handed Spencer the glass and watched him cautiously as he furrowed his eyebrows like a small child when they were told 'no'.

"Your lying." He stated curtly, looking at Derek with distrust.

Derek looked taken back- he clearly was not prepared for that. He glanced between his teammates and went to reply, but Aaron stopped him. He promised Spencer literally four hours previous that he would never lie to him- and here he was- doing exactly that. He sighed, rubbing his temple for a moment before putting a hand comfortingly on Spencer's shoulder.

"How about we go and talk upstairs for a sec?"

Spencer frowned up at him, shaking his head belligerently.

"N-No, we can t-talk here- I-I'm a big b-boy!" He said defensively.

Aaron blinked in surprise. Usually at work or even home, he tried to hide his regression constantly and seemed very ashamed whenever he let himself slip- but now, he clearly didn't even know he was doing it. It made Aaron happy to see him act himself, but he wasn't happy that he had to explain what they were hiding while he was in this state.

"Okay, well I, ah, I called Derek, JJ and Garcia here to help me find out information about… you. And about that piece o- about that _monster_ who hurt you."

Spencer took a sharp inhale, his eyes darting to the files Derek had in his hands. His lips moved as if he was saying something, and his fingers shot up to his hair; roughly tugging at the loose coffee coloured curls that hung by his ear.

"Hey now, hey-"

As Aaron went to move his hand away from his hair, Spencer flinched violently, backing away from him a few feet.

"Wh-What in the f-file?" He asked quickly, looking towards Derek as he desperately tried to keep his composure.

Aaron felt his heart clench momentarily. Spencer was too regressed for this- he needed to stop this now.

"Spencer, you don't need to worry, we just wanted to find out your basic information, like where you grew up and your pare- that monster's name. He's going to jail, buddy- and you won't have to be scared of him anymore." He explained.

Spencer sucked his bottom lip in, his eyes darting around the BAU agents.

"Y-You're g-going t-to s-send me back t'ere aren't you? T'is a t-trick?" He asked fearfully, looking up at Aaron as he pulled his hair even rougher.

"Wha- God, Spence, never- I would never send you back there." Aaron responded in surprise.

_"Y-You l-lying!"_ He cried out, now pulling the hair on both sides of his heads.

JJ and Derek stood up, probably from instincts- they couldn't stand to see another person harm themselves- especially JJ. Aaron put a hand up slightly to stop them from coming any closer, knowing it would make Spencer more upset.

"Y-You said you w-wouldn't lie to m-me!"

Tears fell down Spencer's cheeks, and his breathe began to pick up. Aaron felt sick to his stomach that he had lied to him and was now was the current source of his distress. He wanted to cry right there- Spencer looked so heartbroken that he didn't tell him the truth. To anyone else, it wouldn't be such a big deal to have been lied to about such simple matters, but to Spencer, it was _everything._ The kid probably didn't even know what trust really meant or even felt like.

Aaron realized the previous night while he held him, that everything forward would be brand new for him- it would be growth. It was going to take small, maybe even tiny, steps to heal, but if he guided him as he would any other young child, he knew Spencer would eventually properly grow. But not if he _lied_ to him-

Aaron took a breath, screaming at himself internally.

"I am not lying to you, baby. I know I lied before and I'm so, so sorry- but I am not lying to you about this; I never want you to go back there, baby boy. _Never_." He resisted the urge to grab Spencer's hands or rub his arm, instead choosing to just bend his head slightly while he talked to him.

Aaron didn't know where the choice of nickname came from- it just sort of slipped out. It seemed fitting though. Spencer seemed to be surprised too, because he stared at Aaron in what looked to be some internal battle. He began mumbling something, looking down at the ground as he continued to pull his hair.

"Spence, deep brea-"

"No! No, no, _NO!"_

Spencer yelled suddenly, and began scratching at his face and neck, digging his uncut fingernails into his soft skin painfully.

_"SPENCER!"_

Aaron couldn't stomach the sight- he mentally could not handle seeing Spencer in such pain; even if it was himself that was causing it. Spencer gasped in terror as he grabbed both of his arms, staring down at them in surprise as the older agent's grip tightened. He attempted to wiggle free with a fearful whimper, but Aaron didn't let up; his large hands clasped around the middle of Spencer's thin arms. 

_'I'm not letting you do this again… you can't do this again…'_ Aaron thought, remembering the drop in his stomach upon opening the bathroom door the night previous.

Spencer cried out, his eyes clenching shut as he attempted to free himself from Aaron's grasp again.

" _Aaron!_ Let go!" JJ yelled angrily, pulling Aaron's tightened hands away forcefully. 

Spencer shot back in intense fear, and as he took in his terrified hazel eyes staring back at him, he realized what he just done in intense shame. In his dire attempt to stop him hurting himself, Spencer interpreted it that Aaron was trying to hurt _him._

"Fuc- Spence, I'm-"

"Just go sit for a second."

Aaron was taken back.

" _What?_ "

"Hotch, just trust me. Sit for a second."

Something about the look that JJ was giving him made him listen to the woman immediately. As he sat on the couch, Aaron realized why she had done that.

"Spencer? Can you look up? Look up at JJ, sweetheart."

Her voice was so melodic and soft as she drew closer and closer to the regressed teen. She removed Aaron from the situation because she knew Spencer wouldn't be able to calm down if she didn't; the second Aaron had grabbed him he sent him into a mental frenzy that _his_ comfort couldn't solve, but _JJ's_ could. His hands on Spencer's arms clearly reminded him of his father, so having a woman step into comfort him would probably be best. Many abused children dealt better with women, and even though it hurt Aaron that he wasn't able to soothe Spencer's distress because of his gender, he was glad he had JJ.

"Sweet boy, _please?_ I just wanna see your owies, check if they're okay."

JJ and Spencer had grown somewhat close since he started working at the BAU; what with their frequent lunches, constant chattering in her office, and Spencer trying to impress her with his new found love for magic tricks. She seemed to make Spencer feel at ease in a way no one else could- not even Penelope. Spencer slowly looked up at her, his lip wobbling as tears graced his cheeks. Aaron, Derek and Penelope all grimaced at the sight of the slight cuts in his face, and the unit chief was trying so hard to resist the urge to scoop the boy in his arms and tend to every painful spot. JJ though, kept a kind smile as she gently touched the four lines of cuts on his cheeks with the pad of her fingers.

"I think some Polysporin will make it feel better- it will make the swelling go down, then we can get you a cold cloth if it still hurts."

Aaron watched as Spencer shuffled closer to her, letting his forehead fall onto her shoulder as he wrapped his arms around himself. JJ held him close, rubbing the base of his hair by his neck while whispering words of comfort.

"Let's get you sitting comfy on the couch, hm? Wanna sit with me and Penelope?" She said after a couple minutes, gesturing for Derek to sit beside Aaron.

He happily obliged, quickly moving over to the other couch. Spencer sat down in the middle of Penelope and JJ, pulling his knees to his chest and hiding his face in them.

"Do you have any ointment here, Hotch?" JJ asked as she rubbed Spencer's back.

Aaron nodded, and took a worried glance at Spencer before he shot off to the bathroom. He didn't know what it was about the kid- but he was starting to… love him, it seemed. More than he loved the rest of his agents; if that was even possible. If Aaron were to profile himself, he knew he would find the overdue longing for a child- _a proper family,_ that he could care for and protect. He pushed the idea of starting a family away after his marriage ended, but now, as he watched Spencer sit on his couch holding sixteen years of abuse in his tiny soul, parentless and alone, he wanted to make it all better; to raise him up and help him heal. He wanted Spencer to be _his_ kid- not William's.

Once Aaron reached the bathroom, he flicked on the light quickly and darted over to the long marble sink. It was then, that he noticed Derek was behind him.

"You know why she made you sit, right?"

Aaron gave Derek a sharp look as he ruffled through the drawers.

"I figured that out, yes. I just-"

He sighed, and looked back up at his friend.

"I want to be able to always comfort him- I don't want moments where he's scared of me."

"You know it's not you, it's-"

"The fact I'm a male. Yes, thanks- I got it."

Aaron didn't mean to be so curt with Derek, but it was actually really bothering him that Spencer will have moments of being afraid of him just because of his genitalia. Because of that fact, he vowed right there that no matter what, he would keep himself as docile and gentle as possible; even if the teen scared the living shit out of him.

He found the tube of Polysporin in the top drawer and reached down on the bottom shelf to grab a cloth just in case Spencer needed it.

"It's good for him to bond with the girls- maybe he'll feel it's easier to open up to them about the details about what happened."

Aaron gave him a thin smile, and responded with a small 'maybe'. When they arrived back downstairs, he saw Spencer nervously biting at his thumb while JJ and Garcia tried to distract him with conversation.

"Polysporin." Aaron stated quietly, handing it to JJ.

She smiled at him, undoing the cap and turning to Spencer.

"This might be a little cold, love. Tell me anytime if you need me to stop, okay?"

Spencer nodded, observing the tube in JJ's hand closely.

JJ then began dabbing the ointment onto her finger, and proceeded to rub it onto the small cuts on Spencer's face. They weren't deep, just red, angry and swollen. As Aaron took in the form of the child he cared so deeply for, he felt a profound sadness. He wasn't supposed to look so beaten down now that he was in the safety of the team, but here he was; bags, red eyes, and bleeding from self-inflicted injuries for the second time in only two days. Aaron went to get up as he heard Spencer cry in protest at the cold feeling. Derek put an arm on his shoulder to stop him; pushing him slowly back down onto the leather couch.

"Shhh, it's going to get warmer as I rub more on, promise sweetie."

Spencer hiccupped, not enjoying the feeling of the icy ointment one bit.

She began with the other cheek, and Spencer whimpered once more, putting his skinny hand on her arm as if to ask her to stop.

"Hey Spencie, look what I have here!" Penelope suddenly reached into her purse, pulling out a small keychain that had two small knitted ice-cream cones dangling from it. She handed it to him as JJ kept applying the ointment, and he took it gingerly, a surprised expression on his injured face. Aaron watched, his heart swelling, as Spencer slowly smiled, feeling one of the ice-cream cones with the pad of his thumb. One was pink, the other blue, and both had a comical little face knitted into them.

_'Leave it up to Garcia to save the day.'_ Aaron thought with a smile, loving his agent's innocence and her desire to make others feel better.

"Ice-creams…?" He asked with a whisper, and Penelope nodded eagerly in response.

"That's right- they have names too. I named this one sherbert-" She pointed to the pink one. "-and this one's name is yogurt."

Spencer let out a genuine, real laugh. They all looked at him with startled expressions, feeling their spirits slowly lift. None of them had ever heard Spencer laugh like that before- it was hearty, mixed with a small giggle at the end; if Aaron wasn't mistaken, it was the purest sound he had ever heard in his life.

"H-He's a ice-cream! Why his n-name yogurt?" He asked Garcia, smiling up at her as if the situation they were in wasn't even happening.

"Well, it seems to make you laugh, so I guess it was a good choice." She responded, rubbing his upper arm a few times.

Spencer wasn't even phased by her touch; neither was he JJ's. She was efficiently and swiftly putting the ointment on his face without him batting an eye, much to Aaron's surprise. It seemed having comfort and conversation from the girls really helped him calm down and open up. He idly squished and toyed with the ice-cream cones as JJ finished up with the medicine, dangling them a few times; seemingly amused with them moving around. Aaron suddenly felt bad that he didn't have any toys or kid-like things around the house; he made a note to send one of the girls to buy some things they thought he would like.

It seemed that in normal circumstances, Spencer would casually regress to the ages of six to eight, and when under complete panic, he would regress to the age of two to four. It was quite normal for kids to regress to different ages when experiencing severe trauma, but when kids experienced prolonged trauma as Spencer had, they usually would stay at their regressed age unless therapy was put into place. But as Aaron had seen in the past; the teen was an enigma.

"All finished! You were _so good,_ Spence! So brave!"

Spencer smiled up at JJ bashfully as she caressed the parts of his cheek that he hadn't cut.

"I-I was?"

"Yes, you were." She affirmed, stroking his cheek with her thumb a couple times before putting the cap back on the tube of polysporin.

"C-Can I keep playing wit' sherbert and yogurt?" He asked hesitantly, looking up at Penelope.

"You can have them, sweetie. Do you like toys like that? Because I know a great little shop that sells all sorts of cool things like these."

Spencer looked ecstatic.

"Y-Yes, very much! Th-Thank you!"

Spencer beamed up at her, then suddenly looked to Aaron. They all watched as he bit his lip slightly and slid off the couch, moving to sit in from of the unit chief's feet. Spencer then put the ice-cream keychain on Aaron's knee, looking up at him with a wary expression. It seemed to be that Aaron was the one he wanted to share his new toy with the most.

"L-Look."

Aaron smiled brightly at the boy at his feet. He just wanted to scoop him up into his arms and tell him how good and brave he was- that he was the best little boy he knew. But he resisted (for now) and picked up the keychain, feigning awe.

" _Wow!_ Look at these little guys!" Aaron exclaimed, rolling them in between his fingers.

"Very cool, kiddo! Do you wanna get more of these? And maybe some other toys?" He suggested, and Spencer furrowed his eyebrows slightly.

"I'm… a-allowed _more_ toys?" He asked in bewilderment.

"Yes, silly, of course." He gestured out for him to come sit on his lap, and Spencer quickly obliged.

He sat his behind on the cushion, draping his legs over Aaron's. Aaron put his hand softly on his back and handed him back the toy. Spencer sucked in his bottom lip as he brought them close to his eyes, observing them like they were a brand new element.

"Never ha' a t-toy." He mused quietly, seemingly to himself.

Aaron rubbed his thumb back and forth over his upper arm as he supported his back, and put his free arm loosely over his knees.

"Were gonna get you so much more, sweet boy- anything you want." He told him, and looked up at Penelope, mouthing the words 'thank you'.

She smiled, nodding as she watched Spencer happily jingle the two ice creams in front of Aaron's face so he could see them again. Derek put on a show while Spencer was distracted, and Penelope and him began to argue on what to put on. Derek wanted 'The Brady Bunch', but Garcia wanted 'Star Trek'. The latter decision seemed to have the most votes in the room.

"What w-we watching?" Spencer asked once he noticed the sound in the background.

He turned, sitting on his own cushion and bringing his knees into a criss-cross position. He cocked his head to the side when he noticed the retro title flash on the screen.

"What's Star Trek?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can corn and wheat grow on the same field? No idea. Lets skip by that lol. Also, I now have a whump centric tumblr blog relating mostly to CM, but will include other fandoms. Follow me over at https://the-whump-agency.tumblr.com/


	7. Driving Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron drives Spencer home from therapy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said the birthday chap would be next but that one is gonna take longer, so i cut it in half and posted the first part for you guys! I don't know where the majority of my readers live but im assuming some of you have had a snowstorm or two in the past few days, so please, stay safe and off the roads!

The drive back from the therapist's office was quiet; save for the small amount of music in the background, there was no sound besides the rev of Aaron's Toyota Hybrid's engine. The unit chief kept glancing beside him every few minutes as he drove down the highway, trying to see how Spencer was doing. They just finished up his first therapy appointment, which was rather mundane, according to Spencer once they left. Dr. Zoey Addison, a woman in her late fourties with curly black hair and a slim physique, was Aaron's first choice for Spencer as she was the BAU's main trauma therapist for their agents. Even though Spencer didn't receive his trauma on the job, she was happy to help, with the bureau even covering it.

The appointment went well, at least to Aaron's knowledge. The day previous, Spencer had gone into a panic attack upon finding out they were looking for his father, and had ended up self-harming without even meaning to. It was when he was calming down that Aaron decided it was time for the teen to start therapy. It was also then, that he decided he wasn't letting the kid go. Spencer needed stability, guidance and healing, and he could not get that if someone wasn't there to help him with it. He had talked it through with the whole team when Spencer went to bed the night before, and the discussion was a long one.

Dave, being the logical one he was, warned Aaron about the possible toll it might take on him if he was thrust into the world of parenting a traumatized child. He pointed out that despite having worked with hundreds of victims that had gone through what Spencer had, Aaron still didn't know the first thing about kids nor did he now squat about parenting. The unit chief understood where he was coming from, but almost felt a bit hurt by Dave's lack of faith in him. Emily seemed to have the same thought, but was supportive nonetheless. The others just bombarded him with tips, ideas, and resources to start him off on the new journey of caring for Spencer.

Even though Emily and Dave were hesitant, they both vowed with the others to help Aaron juggle being a single parent and work as Unit Chief at the same time. They created a schedule, with Aaron being home with Spencer four days a week, and one of them being there with him the other three. Dave was to be Unit Chief in his place when he wasn't at work, and if they had a case, one of them was to stay behind with Spencer.

Aaron was slightly nervous at starting this new chapter, but he knew if he had his team by his side it would be alright.

"So what should we do when we get home?"

Aaron turned to Spencer for a moment, watching as he idly played with the fidget cube Garcia had given him along with the keychain. He clenched the bottom of his dark grey hoodie with his free hand and shrugged in response, staring down at the toy in his hands.

"We could watch more Star Trek." Aaron suggested.

He leaned back in his seat and felt his black raincoat crinkle slightly as he watched Spencer look up at him out of the corner of his eye. 

"Okay." He said quietly, a small smile tugging at his lips.

He absolutely loved the show after seeing it the night before. His eyes were glued to the screen the whole time; not once looking away. Aaron was glad they found something he liked; according to Spencer, space and planets were the 'the best thing ever'. Aaron pushed the brake slowly as they came to a red, and looked over at Spencer.

"Did you like Zoey?"

"I guess." Spencer responded after a moment, now turning his head to look out the window. 

"I thought she was nice. She has some pretty wild art in her office, hey? Couldn't tell if that big piece was a cloud or a pool of water." Aaron chuckled lightly at the end of his sentence, trying to keep the mood light.

Spencer nodded without reply, still looking out the window at the opposite lane of moving cars. Aaron frowned. He didn't engage very much with Zoey, and even though it was a basic first appointment, with her asking questions like 'what's your favorite book' and 'what do you do at work', he seemed kind of unnerved once they left her office. He didn't say anything on the matter, and Aaron felt conflicted; he wanted to let him open up and share with him at his own pace, but he also didn't want him harbouring feelings inside.

The traffic light above them shifted to green and Aaron switched his right foot to the gas pedal.

"A-Aaron?" Spencer asked suddenly.

"Yeah, bud?"

"Can I ask you s-something?"

Aaron turned his head to face Spencer for a moment.

"Course buddy, anything." He faced the road again as he listened intently.

Spencer looked down and clenched his fidget cube in his hands nervously.

"Wh-Why are you okay with h-how I act?"

Aaron didn't expect that.

"What do you mean?"

"Y-You know what I mean." He muttered.

Aaron decided not to beat around the bush, as Spencer explained that that sort of thing made him confused and angry.

"Are you talking about when you act like a kid?" He asked casually, and he almost could feel Spencer's blush.

"Y-Yeah… that." He said awkwardly.

"I'm okay with you acting like that _because_ _despite what you may think_ \- there is nothing wrong with it." Aaron responded in a firm, gentle tone while he slowly drifted into the merge lane.

Spencer looked up at Aaron, an expression of slight confusion crossing his face.

"B-But I'm seventeen. I-I should be… uh, going to the movies and playing video games… or whatever teenagers do." He responded, mumbling the words at the end.

Aaron let out a small laugh, and looked to Spencer, letting his smile fall slightly.

"Kiddo, you weren't able to… grow at the same pace as everyone else because of what happened; does that make sense?" He explained lightly, and Spencer shrugged again.

"Kinda…"

Aaron was prepared for this conversation, or should we say- JJ prepared him for this conversation; he wasn't to go into extreme detail about the aspects that made it so he couldn't grow up, just tell him that because of all those scary things that happened, it made it so his brain couldn't properly expand mentally.

"You know how plants need water, sun, and good soil to flourish?" Aaron asked suddenly.

"Yeah…" Spencer said hesitantly, looking at him with a questioning expression.

"Well, people are the same way. They need certain things to be able to grow."

"Oh…"

"And just like plants, everyone grows at their own pace. You don't force a sapling to become a tree, right?" Aaron took his eyes off the road a second to look at the teen beside him.

Spencer shook his head in agreement, then looked out the front window thoughtfully once Aaron had gone back to looking at the road. The older agent was pretty proud of himself- he had just made up that metaphor on the spot and it seemed to work. He remembered Spencer telling him he loved animal and nature documentaries, so he just decided to roll with comparing on that.

Aaron took a left turn, pulling onto the street that led into their little neighbourhood of Triangle. They were both quiet again the rest of the way, and when Aaron pulled up to the driveway of his modish two story home, he shifted to Spencer upon turning his ignition off.

"How about start planning on what to do for your birthday tomorrow?" Aaron asked casually, but furrowed his eyebrows slightly when he saw the shocked expression on Spencer's face.

"It… It's my b-birthday… _tomorrow?_ " He asked in bewilderment and what looked like a hint of terror.

Aaron tried to hide his surprise; he knew Spencer knew the date, so surely he should know that his birthday was the next day, but it seemed to be that the young agent didn't even know the day he was born on. He reached out slowly, putting his hand over Spencer's and squeezing softly.

"It is." Aaron said.

"And were gonna have a great day, okay? We'll have cake, and presents, and you can blow out candles on the cake when we serve it."

"Blow out c-candles?" Spencer asked hesitantly, not understanding the significance of it.

"Yeah, buddy. It will be so much fun, I promise." He clicked Spencer's seatbelt off and let it slide back into its holder.

Spencer didn't seem thrilled at what Aaron was saying. He looked uncomfortable at the thought it was about to be his birthday, and Aaron could only guess that William perverted the day in some way for him. He kept his eyes away from the unit chief and his arms around his middle; guarding himself into the walls he so often kept himself in.

"I got you an early present." Aaron stated, and Spencer looked at him uncertainly but didn't reply.

"How about we go check it out, hm? I even wrapped it in sparkly wrapping paper."

He unclicked his own seat belt, and patted Spencer's hand. The teen sucked in his bottom lip slightly and nodded, trying to give Aaron a smile. The older agent hoped he could get him to cheer up with the gift he had bought him. The night before, he got JJ to pick up a light brown teddy bear from the corner drugstore and also sent her with a list of things to pick up for Spencer on behalf of him while they were both at Dr. Addison's office.

"Wrapped…" Spencer mused as they walked up the driveway.

"Y-You mean like in the movies? W-With the bow and stuff?" He looked up to the unit chief as they walked.

"Yeah, just like that." Aaron responded, unlocking the front door and stuffing his keys in his pocket.

"I put it up in my room- how about you grab a snack while I go get it?" He asked as they stepped in, taking off his jacket and 

"Wafers?" Spencer asked in excitement, hurrying over to the cabinets. 

"Sure, bud. Grab a couple for me too." Aaron chuckled.

With that, he tore off upstairs to grab the sparkly wrapped gift sitting beside his dresser, praying Spencer liked it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed, sorry its so short! Also, these vibeboards are so tedious to get at least semi accurate lol. See you all soon!


	8. Eighteen! Wait- that can't be right...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer finally experiences a real birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter was so big I needed two vibeboards! Sorry for the late update, guys- shit has been wack. I have an idea of where this story is going but if you have any thoughts on future chapters, feel free to comment them! I'm open to input lol

-encer, wake up… Wake up sweet boy…"

Spencer took a small breath, moving into the soft touch that was drifting through his hair. The young agent was in the blissful stage between sleep and wake, and if he had the choice he would stay there forever. He felt warm and safe, and god, was it ever intoxicating.

"-day ahead."

The sound of Aaron Hotchner's voice breezed through Spencer's ear drums, and he opened his eyes slowly.

" _There you are_."

Aaron smiled at him lovingly and Spencer felt a familiar tingle in his chest. He didn't know if he could ever get used to waking up so peacefully. It was strange; unreal almost. The softspoken man he had come to adore continued to run his fingers through his hair as Spencer registered the world around him; feeling as if he was in heaven itself. It was then, he noticed that he was holding something soft and plush against his chest. Spencer looked down and blinked in surprise as he saw a light, soft brown teddy bear in his arms. Memories of the night before came flooding back and he resisted a frown.

_**//F L A S H B A C K//** _

_"What… what's that?" He stepped back from the opened box, his smile falling._

_He looked up at Aaron in panic, who was sitting across from him at the kitchen table. His smile fell too, and was replaced by a look of hurt._

_"It's ah, a teddy bear. I thought you might like one- their uh, nice to have when sad or upset."_

_Spencer's lip wobbled. The last time he had held, or even seen a stuffed animal in real life was_ **_not_ ** _a good memory. His father, being the sick fuck he was, made Spencer act out childish aspects during the sexual abuse as it was one of his kinks. Sometimes he made Spencer suck his thumb, play with a toy that was to be taken away after he was done with him, or hold a stuffed animal while it was happening. It was the main reason as to why Spencer couldn’t shake the awful feeling he had when he acted like a kid._

_"Wh-What do you want me to d-do with it?" Spencer asked fearfully, still staring at the older agent in panic._

_He looked puzzled at the question._

_"Um, anything you want buddy. You can hold him, or watch tv with him, or sleep with him at ni-"_

_"He's not going in my bed." Spencer said firmly, not a stutter in sight._

_The night previous, Aaron had helped him make up a room upstairs, telling him he wasn't comfortable with him being in the basement all alone. They had brought the small amount of things up from Spencer's old room and took a few of Aaron's possesions to make it more homey. When Aaron had set him up in the comfy double bed, Spencer felt so happy that it was a_ **_good_ ** _bed- meaning no bad things were going to happen in it. The idea of the strange stuffed animal lying before him sleeping in his bed with him made him feel sick to his stomach._

_"Why not buddy? Do you not like him?" The tone of hurt in Aaron's voice was very evident and Spencer felt guilt spread through his tummy._

_"N-No, I j-just…" Spencer stuttered nervously, getting overwhelmed._

_He wrapped one arm around his chest and used the other to shield the set of tears that came spilling out. He didn't know how to explain why he didn't want the teddy bear, and he didn't know if Aaron was using it as a rouse to get him to do bad things with him._

**_'No, he wouldn't do that… Aaron wouldn't hurt me…'_ ** _His mind reasoned as he heard Aaron stand up._

_"Hey, hey, it's alright." He felt a hand be placed on his back, and he braved a glance up; moving his hand away from his face._

_Aaron held an expression of such care as he stared at him. It was filled with such compassion it shook him. His copper brown eyes were deep and soulful; coupled with a furrowed brow that didn't scream anger, but extreme worry. Spencer wanted desperately to burrow into his arms but he was so afraid of being rejected- afraid of Aaron telling him he was a bad boy and he didn't want to touch him._

_"What's up? What's got you so upset?" Aaron asked, beginning to rub his back._

_Spencer shook his head- it was way too embarrassing to utter aloud._

_"You can talk to me Spence. I'm not going to be upset with you if you do."_

_Spencer let a small cry fall from his lips, and hugged himself tight. He didn't have to for long though, because as he did, Aaron brought him tightly into his arms. He let him cry his distress away, mumbling words of comfort as they stood in the kitchen. Spencer felt conflicted. He could see that Aaron was trying to be nice, and he seemed_ **_so_ ** _excited about the gift, but Spencer couldn't shake the feeling he got when he saw the bear; it felt like pure, chaotic uncertainty- his father was gone but the memories were not. He bit his lip as he contemplated explaining to Aaron what he was feeling._

_"Stuff-Stuffies mean i-icky th-things gonna happen." He managed out, hiccuping through his sentence._

_Aaron pulled back, brushing his thumb over Spencer's cheek._

_"What do you mean, buddy? Did the monster make you do icky things with a stufie?"_

_His expression held no look of hate, nor did it hold any judgement. Spencer drew a breath in, not expecting the question nor the calm tone. He shook his head, and began harshly biting his knuckle._

_"Mhm mhm- none of that now." Aaron pulled his knuckle away lightly and picked Spencer up with ease._

_Spencer gasped in surprise, and Aaron patted his back reassuringly as he sat down on the chair nearest to them, settling Spencer in his lap._

_"Tell me what happened, Spence- please. Don’t like you holding those things in." Aaron said softly, and Spencer looked away with a blush._

_"Um… it not good…" He tried to explain, but failed; keeping his eyes away from Aaron and on a bowl of oranges that were sitting on the table._

_"That's okay. I still want to hear it buddy." He said, looking at him expectantly._

_Spencer took a breath, trying his best to refrain from biting his knuckles. It was hard not to be fidgeting or biting, so he began hitting his hands lightly on his thighs, his heart beating rapidly._

_"Da-Daddy made me h-hold teddy b-bears while…" He swallowed._

_"-hurtin' me… I-I just… I scared 'cause-" He took a shaky breath, keeping his eyes on his legs and not daring to look up at the older agent._

_"-I scared 'c-cause I a-always get h-hurt when holding t-teddy bears."_

_He felt Aaron take a sharp breath- just like the night he had told him about what his father had done to him. He wanted to see if he was mad at him, but was too scared to look up._

_"Oh, Spencer… God, I am- I am so sorry, I'm so sorry he did that to you."_

_Spencer felt his hand be grabbed, and raised towards Aaron's lips. He blinked in surprise as he watched the back of his hand be kissed and the older agent push away a stray tear from his own eye._

_I-It' okay." Spencer replied quietly, trying to figure out why Aaron was crying._

_"No, it's not okay buddy. That sounds very awful- no kid should have teddy bear's ruined for them."_

_He kissed the side of his head, and rubbed his back quickly a few times._

_"But that won't happen here. You will never be hurt- not even with a teddy bear, okay? He is safe to play with baby boy."_

_At the sound of the nickname Aaron had slowly begun using for him, Spencer sucked in his bottom lip. He loved it- it made him feel fuzzy inside and made his heart feel calm; if that was even possible. He resisted the urge to burrow into Aaron's chest, and began sucking on the tip of his thumb._

_"Have you ever seen the cartoon Winnie-The-Pooh?" Aaron asked suddenly, and Spencer's head perked up._

_He nodded eagerly, remembering the cartoon in vivid detail. When he was younger, he would often watch it when his father was at work. It always made him laugh and feel cared for- the characters almost becoming family to him. When they had lost the channel suddenly, Spencer cried himself to sleep for almost two weeks._

_"Well, he's a bear, too. Just like this one. And he's always nice and protects his friends, right?"_

_Spencer nodded again, and Aaron slowly reached into the box to bring out the caramel colored teddy bear._

_"This bear is kinda like Winnie. He's super nice and will always protect you, okay?" His tone was extra gentle as he placed the bear on Spencer's lap._

_Spencer stared in astonishment and uncertainty, as if Aaron had placed a live iguana on him and not an innocent children's toy. He looked up at the older agent, trying to see if he was telling the truth. He saw no sign of disloyalty as he took in his small, caring smile and soft kind eyes, so without thinking more into it, Spencer cautiously picked up the teddy bear._

_He seemed nice; at least so far. Spencer cocked his head to the side, studying him intently. Just then, a flashback jolted through his body. He whimpered, shaking it away and instinctually going to hug himself. But instead of hugging himself, Spencer felt the plush body of his new teddy pressing into him. His lip wobbled as a purity spread through him, much like the one that he felt upon being hugged by Aaron for the first time._

_"Th-Thank you…" He whispered, looking to Aaron hesitantly._

_The untit chief's smile curved up his cheeks._

_"Of course, sweet boy." Aaron touched the bear's ears idly._

_"What should his na-"_

**_//E N D O F F L A S H B A C K//_ **

"Did you and teddy have a good sleep?" Aaron asked, settling himself as he knelt properly on the floor.

Spencer nodded, and had the urge to bring the bear he had named 'teddy' in tighter. He didn't resist, and brought him into his chest so he could feel the fur touching his chin. Suddenly though, he felt his stomach drop upon the realization that today, was his eighteenth birthday.

"It my… _birthday_ today?" He asked with hesitation; sort of hoping it wasn't.

Spencer had spent every birthday he could remember in complete agony. His father would "grace him" with the gift of not having to perform sexually, and would instead overstimulate him to the point of his body aching. It hurt for days after, and Spencer never had any way to prepare for it because he never knew what day it was nor what day of the year his birthday even _landed on_. Apparently, he was born on the 28th of October.

"It is- Happy birthday Spence." Aaron said softly, smiling at him lovingly as he continued to stroke his hair.

Spencer hugged his stuffie even tighter to his chest, hiding half of his face behind the fuzzy head and white comforter covering them.

"Today is going to be so fun, kiddo. The team bought you lots of presents, and Emily is picking up your cake soon."

Spencer thought about what Aaron had said the night previous. He explained exactly what happens at a birthday party, and even though Spencer had watched people act out birthdays on tv, he didn't really know what to expect in full. The _idea_ of it seemed fun, but he was still unsure at the new celebration.

"'kind of cake?" Spencer asked.

"Ice-Cream? I didn't know what you liked, is ice cream okay?"

Spencer tried to hide his confusion.

_'Is he… making a joke?'_ He thought.

"Ice-cream… cake?"

Aaron nodded.

"Yeah. It's really good, JJ says it's one of her favorites."

"Oh…" Spencer trailed off, another question popping into his head.

He debated on asking it, not wanting to ruin a good thing. It was confusing the hell out of him though as to why Aaron was being so kind to him; what with giving him his own bedroom upstairs, feeding him & comforting him, refusing to let him pay for anything, and basically acting like some sort of… parent, Spencer was stuck in an equation he _could not_ figure out. He grew up with the idea in his head that he was dirty and bad; that no one would ever love him or want to be around him, but here someone was, telling him the opposite and doing exactly the latter.

"How about we go downstairs and have breakfast? You can pick anything you want today."

_'Anything…?'_ He thought excitedly.

Aaron always made him eat healthy, and even though he was _so_ thankful for the food he was given, he wanted to eat the garbage he used to always eat with Ash. But he decided to go with something healthy in case Aaron got mad.

"Oranges." Spencer said quickly, blushing when Aaron let out a laugh and stroked his cheek with the pad of his thumb; the hem of his black sweater slightly touching his skin.

"It doesn't have to be something healthy. You could have wafers, or ice cream, or ore-"

"Oreos for breakfast?!" Spencer asked excitedly, sitting up quickly; bear still in his arms.

He absolutely _loved_ oreo cookies. He had only started eating sweet things when he moved in with Ash, and if he had the opportunity, he would eat sugary things all day. Aaron had begun regulating him on how much he was allowed to have though, mostly because Spencer got hyper and weepy if he had large amounts. Spencer watched as Aaron stood up.

" _Oreos for breakfast it is!_ You get dressed then come downstairs, okay? Then you can eat all the cookies you want."

Spencer gave him an excited smile, and began to take his blankets off. Aaron left the room while he did, leaving the door ajar slightly. The teen put his caramel coloured teddy bear on his pillow and stood up, feeling the air hit his knees with a sigh. Leaving the serenity of his blankets was always the worst. He was dressed in plaid boxer shorts and a light pink tee shirt, both of which Aaron had bought for him. Spencer was so happy with all the new clothes and items, but he still felt guilty that Aaron had done so much for him. Hell, he even took some of his own belongings and gave them to Spencer to make his room feel more homey.

It was a fair size, (bigger than the one in the basement for sure) with a slanted roof and a wooden double bed in the far corner. A basic desk and bookshelf sat across from it, looking somewhat empty as Spencer just moved in. His favorite thing about the room though was that the carpet was super fuzzy on his toes and the succulent plants around the room made him feel like he was in the forest. His bedroom downstairs had been _much_ more grim. 

Spencer walked over to the wall where his bed was against and grabbed a comfy baby blue sweater and some jeans from the respective drawers of his mahogany dresser. He then placed them on top as he went to go take off his night clothes. The teen bit his lip as he moved away from the landscape mirror that was above his dresser, trying not to look at his groin or _any_ part of his body for that matter. He was still getting used to mirrors, and if he was honest, they kind of scared the shit out of him. Spencer suffered from severe insecurities (for obvious reasons) and had a really hard time looking at himself without feeling dirty. It was worse when he saw his own private area; a sort of sickly, angry feeling would often overtake him- one that he couldn't shake. It was always hard to change, shower, and go to the bathroom, but he made it work by taking deep breaths and pretending his private area didn't exist.

When he managed to get his clothes on, he heard a scrape of a chair from downstairs. He adjusted his sweater and began biting at his knuckle lightly while he looked towards the door. Spencer was originally so wary about agent Hotchner, thinking _for sure_ that he was just being nice to him temporarily so he could end up touching him in ways that made him sick; but he proved to be so kind and gentle. Still though, it didn't stop Spencer from feeling unsure at times. As he made his way through the small hallway and downstairs, he heard light music- pop maybe? Spencer couldn't tell. He slowly took step after step on the smooth wooden staircase, and gasped as the living room came into view.

" _Oh, good_ \- the sweater fits. Do you like it?"

Aaron stood in the midst of an absolute array of balloons and streamers, looking at him expectantly while holding a roll of tape. A big banner hung above him, along the upper wall separating the living room from the kitchen. Spencer read the words with a lump in his throat.

_'Happy Birthday'_ was written in bright, bold yellow and blue letters, and _God_ , was it overwhelming to the sheltered young agent. He began fidgeting with his fingers as he took in all the wonderful colours of the balloons and streamers; bright blue ones were criss-crossing across the ceiling, while yellow and green were hung against the walls. It was… such a sight to behold.

" _So many c-colours…_ " Spencer breathed out, and Aaron gave him a wide smile.

"Do you like it? I didn't know what colors you wanted, so I just chose the four pack."

Spencer nodded quickly, beginning to feel his mind start to become more… smaller. Since his suicide attempt, the teen noticed more so than ever that he didn't quite fit into his age group. He got easily confused, was quick to get upset, liked toys over video games, and needed someone to _constantly_ guide him. The real world was just so new to Spencer, and he couldn't keep up. One part of him was trying desperately to be the FBI agent he thought his team wanted, and the other was becoming more and more of a child. Spencer had never experienced a 'childhood' so to speak, so it was rather confusing to him. He gulped, beginning to lightly clap both his hands.

"How about we eat those oreo's?" Aaron suggested, seeming to know how overwhelmed Spencer was feeling. 

He walked over to him and patted his shoulder in an attempt to guide him to the table. Spencer obliged, and sat down at the head chair; now biting his knuckle. He was glad Aaron didn't stop him, because it was the only thing keeping him grounded. Spencer watched with wide, alert eyes as the older agent grabbed two plates from the white cabinets then walked over to the fridge; opening it and grabbing a can of whip cream.

"Your gonna need a topping, right?" Aaron asked with a small smile.

Spencer nodded again, continuing to watch Aaron as he sat down in the chair beside him. A blue package of oreos sat in the centre of the table, and Aaron tore them open.

"I for one, have never eaten oreos for breakfast." He said casually, his eyebrows raising.

Aaron took a few from the plastic casing then put them on both of their plates. He took the whip cream lid off and began to shake it vigorously, making Spencer blink in surprise. 

"You gotta shake before it so it's not runny. Do you want to try putting it on?" Aaron asked, handing him the bottle.

Spencer took it with hesitation.

"I don't know h-how…" He said quietly.

"I'll show you, here-"

Aaron held the can along with Spencer, and put the nozzle to one of the oeros on his plate.

"You just gotta push this, see?" He pushed it once in example, and Spencer jumped slightly upon seeing the bouncy delicacy come out.

"You try." Aaron let go of the can and Spencer but his lip as he pushed the nozzle.

A loud hissing echoed in the room and Spencer giggled as he spread whip cream around his dessert-breakfast.

"Good job!" Aaron praised, and pushed his own plate towards him.

"Do mine?"

" _-kay!_ " Spencer responded, completely letting go of his wary composure.

He smiled up at Aaron once he was finished, and the older agent smiled back cheerfully. Spencer loved how he could get him to completely let go of the chains that held him back; loved how he made all the bad thoughts go away. Over the next hour, the two of them happily ate their dessert-breakfast, eventually adding glasses of milk to their 'meals'. Soon after they dipped their last oeros, a sturdy knock echoed through the apartment, and Spencer's head snapped to the direction of the front door.

His birthday, had apparently officially begun.

_****A FEW HOURS LATER**** _

_**** _

" _-dear Spencer, happy birthday to you!_ "

Spencer stared around the group of profilers as they all sang the last part of 'happy birthday' in off-key tones. It seemed rather strange to just sit idly while everyone sung and he didn't really know what to do. A large round ice cream cake sat in front of him, with candles spread around it, and Spencer watched in interest as the flames danced around the wax. Fire always seemed so ominous to him, but yet interesting at the same time. The sight was calming him somewhat; his nerves acting on high alert from all the commotion. What made him unsettled, if he was honest with himself, was his name written in blue icing. 

"-and many more!" Dave bellowed from where he was leaning against the island.

He heard the hearty laugh of Aaron echo in his ears and he looked up at him from where he was sitting in the next chair, suddenly wanting to be held and brought away from all this commotion.

"Blow out your candles, kiddo- oh, and remember to make a wish!" Aaron put his hand on Spencer's back, and Spencer wiggled it away.

If he let Aaron's touch linger, he was afraid he would just collapse into it; making a complete fool of himself in front of his team… _again_. He bit his lip, and looked down at the cake instead of at Aaron.

"A-A wish… _um_ …"

"You can't say it out loud, though!" Emily chimed in, and Spencer glanced up at her, blushing.

"O-Oh, um, o-okay…" He stuttered out, looking back down at his candles.

He couldn't think of anything he wished for- he had everything he ever wanted now. Food, a bed, clothes, and no violence, it was an absolute dream. But he wanted to make his wish good- it was his first ever real birthday, after all. Spencer sucked in his bottom lip as one popped in his mind.

He looked up at the group for confirmation that what he was doing was correct, and they all looked back expectantly. Spencer shut his eyes and blew a gust of air from his mouth.

_'I wish for Ash to always be happy and safe'_

His eyes flew open as cheering filled the room. His team clapped and smiled down at him, and even though he knew it was a happy moment, he had the overwhelming urge to reach for Aaron. Instead, he began biting his knuckle, trying his best to look away from his team; still feeling scared of them judging him despite how considerate and kind they had acted.

He felt Aaron's hand on his back again, and this time, Spencer didn't shove it away. Instead he turned to him and was met with deep, worried eyes. His hand left his mouth and he instinctually grabbed Aaron's wrist that was hanging off his knee, trying desperately to let him know he wanted to be away from all the loud chatter. Aaron grabbed his hand comfortingly and looked up at JJ.

"JJ, cut the cake for us?"

Spencer didn't look up so he didn't know JJ's answer. He was about to flee, figuring that Aaron didn't understand what he was trying to get at. He gasped as he felt an arm go under his legs and suddenly, Spencer was in the air- being held comfortingly in Aaron Hotchner's arms. He pouted up at him. _Yes,_ this is what he wanted, but now he felt embarrassed.

" _H-Hey!_ I can walk! I b-big boy!" Spencer said in frustration.

"I know that; I just wanted to hold you. Is that okay?" Aaron asked, settling down with him on the black leather couch.

Spencer shrugged, but then nodded. He then burrowed his face into Aaron's neck and held tightly onto his shirt in fists. Aaron held his arms loosely around Spencer's torso and leaned his cheek on the top of his head. Spencer sighed, finally feeling that panic go away. The day had been very chaotic for hum and it had only been a few hours- the teen never knew a birthday party could be so tiring. He was also getting rather fatigued because of trying to keep his regular façade up. He wanted his team to think he was smart and strong, not a wimpy kid that cried all the time.

"Cake's cut- do you guys want a piece?" JJ called from the kitchen.

Spencer felt Aaron's cheek leave the top of his hair to look in JJ's direction.

"Do you want a piece of cake, Spence?" He asked, looking down at him.

Spencer thought for a moment. He did want some, but just felt so exhausted. He figured it was one of the 'sugar crashes' that Aaron had talked about before. He shook his head in response.

"Maybe later?"

Spencer nodded.

"Save two pieces." Aaron said to JJ, then reached for the remote that was sitting on the cushion beside them.

"Wanna watch a show for a bit before we open your presents?" Aaron asked, rubbing his back a few times.

He shrugged again. Aaron seemed to take that as a 'yes', because he pointed the remote at the tv and clicked power. He began flicking through the channels, and Spencer watched as commercials, re-runs of 80's comedies, and news reports flashed by quickly on the screen. His heart stopped as a familiar elephant popped on screen.

"Babar!" Spencer exclaimed while sitting upright. Aaron stopped pushing the 'channel up' button.

"Babar, huh? You like this show?"

Spencer nodded excitedly, completely forgetting the world around him. Babar was another one of the shows that kept Spencer sane and somewhat happy. It was about an elephant king who would recount his adventures and tales that he had experienced throughout his life and it was always _so_ interesting to Spencer- the idea of kings, queens and castles. Even more so when an elephant was involved.

"What's it about?" Aaron asked in interest.

"A-A elephant king and all his fa-family and th-they go on adventures!" He explained excitedly.

"Ahh, I see. Who's your favorite character?"

Spencer huffed.

"Babar, _o-obviously!_ " He took time saying the last word, but held his dramatic tone.

Aaron laughed at his response, looking at him lovingly. That look always made Spencer feel extremely fuzzy. It was a feeling like no other- to be held, loved, cared for- Spencer almost felt as if it was too good. At that thought, he felt guilt begin to bubble in his tummy. He didn't even know _why_ he was feeling it, but it was there and it didn't seem to be going away.

_'Maybe Aaron thought I sounded rude?'_ Spencer thought, thinking back to the tone he used when replying to Aaron about Babar.

_'Maybe he thinks I'm too icky for sitting on his lap… I need to get off…'_ Anxiety dove through the pools of Spencer's mind like it was it's personal waters, and he began adhering to it.

He began to get off Aaron's lap, but was stopped by two strong arms pulling him back gently.

"Where you going?" Aaron asked with a questioning look; his face showing no sign of contempt towards Spencer.

Spencer pouted, feeling very confused. It seemed his anxiety's told him one thing, while the opposite happened in the real world. He relied on his anxiety though- it showed him when he was safe and when he wasn't- _or so he thought._

"Hey, what's that face for? You okay?" Aaron frowned, caressing his cheek softly while staring at him with question.

"Y-Yes s-ir." Spencer responded quickly, cringing at the fact he called Aaron 'sir' again.

He had been trying to cut the habit, but the older agent was an authority figure so it was rather hard to kick routine. Spencer was forced to call his father 'sir' at all times (apparently it was a sign of respect) and was to only call him 'dad' or 'daddy' when he saw fit. Hell, Spencer even called Catrina, his old boss at the warehouse, 'ma'am'; he had a lot of trouble relating himself to the same status as people older and more advanced than him.

"You don't have to call me sir, remember?" Aaron reminded softly, kissing his forehead.

Spencer felt the overwhelming surge of purity again, and this time, he let it grace him. The regressed teen fell into Aaron's chest again, and began sucking on his thumb. His regressed mindset didn't think much of trying to hide his actions; he didn't really care, if he was honest.

"Why don't we open your presents soon? How's that sound?"

Aaron bent his head to meet Spencer's ear. He rubbed his back encouragingly. Spencer felt somewhat excited at that suggestion. Yesterday's present turned out to be really cool, and the keychain he got was even cooler. He wasn't opposed to getting more things, now that he thought about it. _After all,_ it was his birthday, and kids got presents on their birthdays… (according to Aaron.) He nodded and could almost feel Aaron smile.

"You're gonna love them."

_**//ABOUT AN HOUR LATER//** _

The sound of paper being hastily torn echoed throughout the room and the smiles on the FBI agents faces were almost larger than the birthday boy's. They all sat around the now eighteen year old Spencer Reid; with Garcia and JJ sitting on the floor so they could hand Spencer his huge pile of presents. He was currently sitting on the cushion next to Aaron, and was tearing into the gifts excitedly. The one he was holding currently was from Aaron, and he could feel his unit chief watching him expectantly.

Spencer had unwrapped so many presents so far- he couldn't even believe it upon glancing at the growing pile by the coffee table. He figured it would be overwhelming to get so many gifts at once, but it was quite the contrary; _he loved it._ Never in his life had he had so many cool things that were genuinely his to own. JJ and Emily had bought him lots of art supplies; even special gel pens and cool coloring books that were directed at kids _and_ adults. Derek and Dave got him a bunch of new clothes, some which Spencer really liked and others that he could never see himself wearing. It was the hockey jerseys that he was reluctant about, really. Penelope bought him lots of stim-related toys, (Spencer guessed so he wouldn't bit at himself) and they were rather colorful. She even included certain stuffies that were fun to squish or feel.

But his favorite gifts of all were the ones Aaron had gotten him. He had bought him a space themed bed-set, a new phone, laptop, radio, and so many toys like lego, race cars and play-doh; just to name a few. Spencer was still struggling with letting them see his real self, but it dwindled a bit upon opening the gifts. 

The birthday boy gasped as he got through the yellow polka dotted wrapping paper.

"Wow! I-It Winnie! Wait… wha-" Spencer's smile faltered a bit as he became confused.

In his hands lay a timid-yellow poncho, with Winnie the Pooh ears and face at the top of the hood. But Spencer had never seen a poncho before- he thought it was a hoodie, but knew hoddies had sleeves. To him, it looked like some sort of bath towel.

"It's a poncho, buddy. You just put it over you." Aaron explained.

Spencer held it out in front of him, observing it.

_'Where would my arms go then?'_ he wondered.

"Want help trying it on?" Aaron went to go grab it, and Spencer nodded.

Aaron gave him a proud smile before taking the fleecy poncho and putting it over him. Spencer huffed in annoyance as his face was covered briefly, then blushed madly when the world came back into view. Aaron beamed, suddenly saying his name extra endearingly. The poncho draped around him, and Spencer finally understood where his arms went.

"-on you! _Look at these ears!_ " He ruffled the head of his hood and Spencer took in his expression.

He was smiling at him so hard the dimples in his cheeks were showing. His eyes sparkled in a way that made Spencer think he was crying though, and the contrast of emotion confused him. Aaron suddenly kissed his forehead a few times, and Spencer shoved him somewhat in protest.

"Off… no kisses…" He mumbled.

He wanted Aaron to keep admiring him but not really in front of the team. It was strange enough to have someone parenting him when he was eighteen, and he didn't really feel comfortable with anyone watching it. He almost wanted to go deeper into his headspace, so that he wouldn't register that he was doing anything strange.

"Sorry, bud- I just love this on you. Do you like it?" He handed the wrapping paper Spencer ripped up to JJ and looked back at him.

Spencer nodded and gave him a smile. He really did love it- it was so warm and soft, and made him feel especially small. He bunched a bit of the poncho up and rubbed the soft fabric against his cheek.

"You have two presents left Spence-" JJ said, taking the two remaining presents off the floor and looking at the tag.

"-and they're both from Ho- Aaron." She handed one of them to Spencer and he gave JJ a quiet 'thank you' upon grabbing them.

He bit his lip in excitement as he began to rip blue checkered wrapping paper off a large box.

"That's a pretty big box, hey?" Derek asked from the chair across from Spencer.

  
Spencer nodded quickly, laughing slightly as he struggled to take all the wrapping paper off. Once it was all gone, Aaron touched the box slightly.

"Can I help you get the tape on the top off?" He asked kindly.

"Yes please." Spencer let go of the box and Aaron picked at the tape stuck across the other side of the box.

He ripped it off swiftly and let the tops bounce open. Spencer took it back and looked inside eagerly.

" _A g-globe?!_ " He exclaimed, pulling a medium sized classic globe out of the box.

Spencer really loved maps, geography and history. He used to read those subjects in old books that his father had tossed into the spare room upstairs, along with other fascinating subjects. He spent hours poring through them when he was allowed upstairs, but often wondered why his father had them; he didn't seem to have any interest in the topics they held. He couldn't believe he was holding a real-life globe- he could almost cry.

"I-It so _pretty!_ I love it! I l-love it so much!" Spencer held it close to his chest, looking up at Aaron with a huge smile as he felt the brass ring around the jab his shoulder.

This was definitely Spencer's favorite present. He couldn't contain his glee as he began bouncing slightly, and held his globe out for his team to see with a blush. They all marveled at it and gave comments, which made Spencer even more happy. He took a breath as endorphins raced through his brain, making him a little dizzy, if he was honest. He looked away from the group, trying to regain himself with a deep breath. A hand was then placed on his back, successfully grounding him.

"Too much happening?" Aaron guessed, giving him a concerned expression.

"Y-Yeah." Spencer laughed nervously, and Aaron patted his knee, taking the globe from him and placing it on the floor.

Spencer took a quick breath as a minor flashback rushed through. The image of a rotted wooden floor and muddy boots flickered past his eyes and in his ears echoed his own deafening screams. He blinked the treacherous memory away successfully, and climbed into the safe embrace of Aaron Hotchner with haste. He knew Aaron saw what just happened, because the older man held him tighter than usual and began caressing his elbow with his thumb ever so gently as Spencer laid one cheek on his shoulder.

"Wanna open your last present, baby?"

Spencer felt the familiar tingle at the nickname. He nodded, glancing at JJ as she picked the last present up off the floor. It was a small cylinder shaped gift, wrapped in sparkly paper and had a thin, badly tied yellow bow around it. Spencer slowly grabbed it as JJ handed it to him, and turned it around in his hands in interest. He rather enjoyed wrapping paper; what with all the colors and textures. Spencer united the bow, and began pulling at the paper- still laying on Hotch's chest. He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion as his eyes took in a blue plastic cup with a strange lid. A planetary design was spread around it, and as much as the teen enjoyed it, he was still not understanding the lid. Instead of a hole at the top, there was a plastic nozzle. Spencer turned it over in his hands in observation, then looked up at the agent holding him.

"What… _i-is_ it?" He asked, dumbfounded.

Aaron looked somewhat surprised, then… sad? Spencer furrowed his eyebrows.

"It's ah, a sippy cup. Here, look-" Aaron took the cup from him and twisted off the lid; revealing some sort of plastic ring on the inside of it.

"This little plastic thing stops any liquid from coming out unless you sip it. It's for when you want a drink laying down, and helps with no spills. Do you like the planets? There were others but I thought you would like this one."

Spencer listened intently, and observed it again once it was handed back to him.

"I-I never had one of th-these, thank you." He said, and Aaron smiled breezily.

"Of course, baby." He replied, and began running his hand through Spencer's hair.

Spencer sighed, and closed his eyes. He felt so sleepy all of a sudden. The day was very overwhelming for him, and even though it turned out to be a good kind of overwhelming, it still sucked basically all the energy out of him. He just wanted to curl up in his new space blankets and go to sleep. But that thought went out the window as he remembered about all his new toys. Spencer rubbed his eyes sleepily; trying to regain his energy by sitting upright.

"I think it might be time for relax time, don't you think?"

Aaron looked at Spencer, cocking his head slightly. Spencer shook his head in response. He knew by 'relax time' Aaron meant a nap- but he didn't _need_ a nap, and felt annoyed that the older agent thought he did.

"N-No, wanna stay 'wake!" He protested, turning his head and gazing at his presents; the toys to be specific. 

"You want to play for a bit?" Aaron caught on, rubbing Spencer's back a few times.

The teen nodded, looking down with a slight blush.

"Only for an hour, okay? I need you to relax for a little while, buddy. I don't want you getting too overwhelmed."

Spencer looked up and hugged him quickly.

"I-I be good!" He announced, and hopped off Aaron's lap to rush over to his pile of birthday gifts.

"You're always good, silly boy." Aaron voiced as Spencer knelt on the ground.

The unit chief gave a loving, proud smile as Spencer looked up at him. He smiled back, but looked away quickly as he felt that familiar fuzzy feeling return to his chest. He slowly began picking up the race cars that he had received, observing them intently and glancing up at the team every few minutes as they dove into conversation. Once he was certain they were fully occupied, he put the small race cars down, and low and behold,

_Spencer Reid played._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I get a lot of my photos of Thomas from his old films, hence why he looks so young. I hoped you guys enjoyed this chapter, and as always, thank you so much for the kudos and comments!
> 
> ((Little teaser: you guys get to find out what happened to Spencer's mom soon.))


	9. The concussion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer overhears Aaron talking to Dave on the phone about reporting William.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah so I'm sorry if this feels rather rushed- Headspace isn't that great as of late but I still wanted to do the scene of Spencer's freakout about reporting William (from Alaska) and get a chapter out to you guys. Also, I forget if the iDog moved around as well as dancing to music so in this fic it moves and winds up lol.
> 
> (iDog was toy that came out in 09- Idk how old my readerbase is but im hoping yall are above 18 and remember it lolol))

Spencer giggled at his toy robot began walking in that funny mechanical way. It was a windy, sunny Saturday in November and he was currently playing in his room while Aaron did some paperwork over in his study. The 'iDog' crisscrossed around the floor, and Spencer began following it; crawling on his knees while feeling the white carpet scratch against them. He was dressed in black track shorts that Dave had bought him and a striped red sweater; which he came to adore, even though it was red.

It had been a week since his birthday, and he was immensely enjoying his new toys and gifts; especially his new devices. He wasn't keen to social media but he had created a Facebook at the request of Jordan and Kevin. He didn't really see the appeal but he did quite enjoy all the funny messages he got from the team- there were games on the site too; with Spencer's favorite being 'Happy Aquarium". Jordan and him would often play together and help each other with their virtual fish tanks.

The robot stopped abruptly so Spencer picked it up and turned the nob on the back a few times to start it up again. It resumed its pace once he put it back down, and he smiled brightly upon watching it wiggle it's ears comically. The teen clapped his hands together excitedly but then frowned as he heard Aaron suddenly yell something from his study two doors down.

His ears perked up as he tried to hear what he was saying, but couldn't make out the muffled voice through the walls- all he could tell was that it was angry. Spencer heard his desk chair roll against the floor slightly and he stood, putting his knuckle in his mouth as he looked toward his ajar door hesitantly. He never really heard him yell and was more curious than scared, honestly.

_Surely it can't be about him,_ he thought as he exited his room.

He began creeping down the hallway, trying to listen to what was being said. He heard Aaron's voice vary in tone and as he approached closer to his open study door, he heard him clear as day.

"-understand that, Dave- but _you_ need to understand that it's not as simple as just going to the fucking station and reporting him. He has to relive _every. Fucking. Detail_ \- do you want him to go through that?!"

Spencer stepped by the frame and peeked inside his study. It was a magnificently designed room; what with the mahogany wood and arched windows, it was an aesthetic paradise. Spencer often loved walking around the room while Aaron did paperwork; feeling the soft, smooth wood and looking through the bookcase's glass in curiosity. He bit his lip as he noticed that Aaron was standing by the window facing the oak tree that stood outside it, hand in his forehead and back turned to him. His blood went cold as he repeated what he had just heard in his head.

_'He wants me to report him?!'_

They never really had a serious discussion on what was to happen to Spencer's father, and he liked it that way. Confronting William in court and talking to the police about the gruesome events of his childhood terrified him- even though he knew he was safe, he felt as if those actions were an open door to William hurting him again.

_"No!"_ Aaron shouted into the phone.

Spencer jumped. He didn't like how scary Aaron sounded. He began biting at his knuckles roughly as he watched him talk.

"You're not allowed to pull that fucking card, Dave. You don't think I kn-" Aaron turned; going to pace, but stopped dead in his tracks upon seeing Spencer.

" _Shi_ \- I gotta go." Aaron hit a button on his black iphone and rushed over to Spencer; his face full of guilt.

"Hey, baby, hey…" He tried his best to put on a smile, but it faltered as he reached the young agent.

Spencer looked at him in uncertainty; his brain beginning to race at the thought of what could go wrong if Aaron forced him to let out what happened to him. The police not believing him, William denying what happened, Aaron realizing he was disgusting and sending him back: the list was endless. And just the thought that someone- _multiple people_ \- would know the exact details of what happened to him created a sickly, storming feeling inside his gut. He took a sharp breath, looking away. He felt too little for this situation- he couldn't handle it.

"I'm so sorry you had to hear th-"

Spencer didn't let Aaron finish. He let his hand fall from his mouth and turned abruptly, shooting through the hall and down the steps with lightning speed, trying to get as far away as possible from the situation at hand.

"Spencer!" Aaron called from behind him, following him with haste.

Spencer ignored him, running through the living room and down the basement stairs.

"Baby, _please!_ "

He ran into the bathroom, shutting it behind him with great force. He clenched his eyes hut tight, trying his best to ignore the endearing nickname that made him want to jump into the older agents arms. Once he locked the door, he put his back against the wall by the sink and took a deep breath. He whimpered as he felt the familiar breathlessness in his chest and looked up toward the ceiling as if to pray.

_'Just breathe… breathe!'_ Spencer pleaded with himself upon feeling tears leak out of his eyes.

The main thought that was bouncing around in his head was that Aaron would give him up if he let out the gruesome things that happened; that he wouldn't want a _whore_ living in his house. Spencer cried out, wrapping his arms around himself.

_'He wouldn't do that- I was good, I was a good boy…'_ Spencer reasoned with himself, hiccupping slightly through the tears.

The door handle jiggled abruptly.

"Spence, open the door please." Aaron's panicked voice drifted through the room, giving Spencer a bit of déjà vu.

He shook his head despite knowing Aaron couldn't see him. A couple seconds went by before he spoke, shattering the deafening silence that was stabbing Spencer's ears.

"Baby boy, it's alright! Everything is alright. Just unlock the door so we can talk!"

_"No!"_ Spencer shouted, beginning to scratch harshly at his arms.

Usually the endearing nicknames Aaron used with him would soften him; take him away from his internal panic, but it clearly wasn't working in the moment.

"Y-You gonna s-send me back! N-Not goin' back _e-ever!_ " He yelled, sounding much like a small child during a tantrum.

He let a sob fall from his lips, not realizing that he was making deep marks into his pale skin.

"I would _never_ send you back Spencer. _Neve_ r." Aaron said firmly.

_"You l-lying!"_ He cried; banging his head against the wall loudly.

To anyone else, the situation he was in would seem rather mundane. But to Spencer, everything about reporting William and the hypothetical consequences that came with it was absolutely terrifying. He just wanted to die; wanted to take back telling Aaron about any of it. He slammed his head again roughly.

"Spencer, stop doing that! Unlock the door right now!"

Spencer ignored him, going into a full blown panic attack. He continued to bash the back of his head repeatedly against the wall, grabbing fistfuls of his curls as he did. In his state, all he could focus on was making the fear go away. And to Spencer, that meant going unconscious. Memories, flashbacks and anxieties raced past his mind and he gritted his teeth together to try and focus on the pain outside of his body instead of inside; tears continuing their pace down his cheeks. 

A loud crash snapped him back to the present; halting his hyperventilating momentarily. His eyes flew open in surprise but quickly turned to fear as he saw the bathroom door bounce against the wall; barely hanging onto its hinges. Aaron dropped to his knees before Spencer could even process what had happened, and he was swiftly brought into the older agents arms. Spencer felt his caregiver's heart race wildly and he bit his lip as guilt began to bubble up.

_'I made him angry- I made him scared and angry…'_ Spencer thought as he looked over Aaron's shoulder to the broken door.

"I'm here, baby, I'm he-" Aaron was rubbing his back, but stopped abruptly. 

Spencer separated from Aaron upon hearing him cut his sentence short and looked up to him nervously. He frowned upon seeing that Aaron was looking at the wall; his arm reaching over Spencer and touching something he couldn’t see. The teen turned his head to see what had his attention.

_Blood._

Spencer began hyperventilating again as he took in the patches of blood on the white wall tile. His hand instinctually went to touch the back of his head and sticky, wet hair met his palm. He cried out in fear as he looked at the red blood covering his skin.

"No, no, _shhh-_ it's alright, Spence, you're okay." Aaron said calmly, attempting to reason with him while rubbing both of his arms lovingly; making a slight grimace at the fresh nail marks criss-crossing his skin.

Even though his tone was collected, Spencer could hear the panic in his voice and it was making him even more scared. He did not like being injured- even getting the slightest papercut made him uneasy. It just reminded him of the time he spent on the farm; something he was trying very hard to forget. He watched as the older agent bent over to the sink and grabbed a spare cloth from the black cabinet.

_"B-Bleeding…"_ Spencer stuttered, choking on a breath as he looked up at Aaron.

"I know, love. I know…" Aaron responded thickly, putting the cloth on the back of his head and holding it in place firmly.

Tears fell from the older agents cheeks freely, and he held a thin, solid frown as he glanced up at the blood splattered on the wall. Spencer blinked in confusion as he tried his best to regulate his breathing.

_'Why is he crying…? Did he get hurt from the door?!'_

"Why c-crying? Owies?" Spencer asked innocently, not able to wrap his brain around the reason as to why the older agent looked so sad.

The teen reached out and patted his arm and hand, looking for a sign of an injury. Aaron shook his head quickly, drying his tears.

"No, baby. No owies." He said quietly, rubbing his arm with his free hand while kneeling in front of him.

He picked Spencer up swiftly, and Spencer looked up at him with more confusion than before as he was carried hastily out of the basement bathroom and upstairs.

"But… y-you _crying…_ " He said slowly, reaching up to Aaron's cheeks as more tears left his sparkling copper brown eyes.

Aaron attempted to give him a smile as he sat down on the leather couch with him; settling his body in an upright position.

"You _scared_ me baby- I don't like not being able to reach you. You never lock me out again, okay?"

Spencer nodded quickly, closing his eyes as Aaron gave him a small kiss on the forehead.

_'I did scare him?'_ Spencer thought guiltily as he opened his eyes back up.

It was then that the pain in the teens head registered. He groaned and clenched his eyes shut, going to clench the source of the stabbing, booming sensation but was met with Aaron's hand instead. It boomed like a parade of drums was marching through his skull and he tried to will it away like he always did with his injuries.

_No luck._

He heard Aaron shush him soothingly then felt him reach into his pant pocket and pull out his cell phone. Spencer kept his eyes closed though; trying his best to will away the pain. The phone made idle sounds as Aaron dialed and Spencer whined in annoyance at the realization that he was calling 911.

_'I'll be fine…'_ He thought as he opened his eyes; tugging at Aaron's sleeve.

He shushed him gently and kissed his forehead before speaking.

"I need an ambulance at 2040 Fitzgerald street. My… _uh-_ my son has a head injury."

Spencer blinked in surprise, feeling rather dizzy suddenly.

_'My… son?'_ Spencer repeated the words he just heard in his head over and over while Aaron talked to the 911 operator.

As much as he was in pain and annoyed at the fact Aaron called an ambulance, Spencer could not contain his excitement and somewhat confusion. Since he had moved in, it _did_ feel like Aaron was some sort of parent; but he didn't know he wanted to be one to _him._ He never in his life felt like someone's child, nor knew he even wanted to; but now, he finally felt an unknown void filling inside of him.

_He was someone's._

"Okay, baby, they will be here in five. I'm going to keep holding this to your head for now, alright?"

Spencer nodded in understanding.

"I… _yours?_ " He asked suddenly, almost afraid of the answer despite just hearing him call him his son.

Aaron let out a quick exhale through his nose, tears welling in his sparkling brown eyes as he attempted to give him another thin smile.

"Of course your mine, baby. You are mine and I will never give you away." He said lovingly; giving Spencer a moment to let the words sink into his mind.

"Do you understand?"

Spencer nodded.

"'Understand." He said clearly, and Aaron brushed the tears away from his own cheeks hastily.

"Now you keep your eyes open and tell me if it hurts any worse, alright?" He said firmly, checking the cloth behind Spencer's head momentarily.

Spencer nodded again, smiling up at him through the pain. Nothing, not even a Grade 2 concussion, could stop the happiness that was currently flowing through his chest.

_He was someone's_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If any of you are confused, a grade 2 concussion is basically a moderate level. Also, I've given it some thought, and honestly, if your under eighteen, maybe shy away from this fic? I love all of you, but the later chapters will include more mature angst, and I don't wanna corrupt your minds lol.
> 
> Last thing: Follow/Check in with my tumblr (piqtescue) to get updates on the progress and such.


	10. Mac 'n' Cheese & Flowers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JJ is over for lunch and her and Spencer end up searching the web for different types of flowers. It doesn't go as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I will be starting another work that will pertain to oneshots of this AU- that way I can get 'chapters' out faster to you guys without having to plan the whole thing out. The next chapter will be much more darker and I need a bit of time to write it out, so stay tuned for the mini chaps I will be making!
> 
> So sorry for how late I am with updating! As usual, if you want updates. check out @piqtescue on tumblr!

_ **[ EARLY DECEMBER ]** _

_"-and th-this goes here so it looks like a light!"_

Spencer held up a lego model of a boat as he sat cross-legged on a white fuzzy blanket Aaron had set down for him. He didn't want to sit on the couch, and Aaron didn't like him sitting on the cold hardwood so he put one of his old throw blankets down. JJ mock gasped as she sat beside him, and Spencer gave her a full smile; teeth and all. She went to hold his creation acting as if she was inspecting it and despite her feigning surprise, Aaron could tell she was as perplexed by Spencer's boat as Aaron was. 

He was standing against the kitchen island watching the two, and noticed that the whole time Spencer had been building the boat that he hadn't used the instructions _once._ He chuckled as he sipped his coffee, just getting used to the surprises the teen always shocked him with. Aaron had been guessing for a while now that Spencer was smarter than he let on- he almost seemed like one of those genius's you come by every forty years.

"Very cool, Spence! Look at this Hotch-" JJ held up his model, smiling at the unit chief while she rotated the lego boat.

Aaron smiled back, taking one last sip of his coffee before putting the mug on the island and walking over to the two.

"Look at that! You’re a little architect aren't you?" He knelt down on the blanket and took the model from JJ slowly, as to not break it.

Spencer gave him a blush in response, raising his hands to take his lego boat back. Aaron obliged even though he wanted to keep looking at it; knowing it wasn't good to hold back Spencer's things even for a moment or he would begin to feel sad.

Therapy had been going very well and Spencer was learning many new coping mechanisms along with how to deal with day-to-day emotions. Dr. Addison sometimes used techniques that were usually reserved for small children and it was making a huge difference. Spencer had gained so much more trust with Aaron and the team and was able to gauge situations so much better. Aaron would always sit with him during his sessions, (spencer would not have it any other way) and finally, he was privy to the nightmares had endured. 

It was _gruesome;_ the small, even tiny details he had let out in the sessions over the last few months. William had touched Spencer ever since he could remember, and had used torture methods the unit chief often saw sexual sadists use. Spencer was basically his slave; what with cooking his meals, cleaning up after him and not seeing an ounce of food, comfort or basic necessity in return; he never once was a child. Not once.

Every time he let out a memory of the time on the farm, Aaron just wanted to scoop him up into his arms and hold him until it all went away. It was his face that often overwhelmed the older agent- Spencer's lip would wobble and his nose would twitch as he fought off tears, creating a look of absolute internal pain. Aaron refrained though, adhering to Spencer's wish that he wasn't babied by him during therapy.

It made Aaron's blood boil at the fact William continued to walk free in the world while his own son suffered so drastically from his vicious abuse, but he promised Spencer in the hospital after he had got his concussion that they wouldn't report him. He felt so guilty making that decision, though. Spencer's mind was that of an eight year old- he shouldn't get to decide on what to do in this situation- but just _the thought_ of what his newly adopted son would go through if he had to go to court made him queasy; he didn't want him more traumatized, he wanted him healed. And if letting the reporting thing go made Spencer happier, Aaron guessed it would make him happy in the end as well.

"C-Can I keep it, or do- d-do I have to take it apart?" Spencer asked quietly, looking up at the two older agents.

"You can keep it together as long as you want. _Actually-_ " Aaron stood up, walking over to the fireplace.

"How about we put it up here? Then we can always see it."

Spencer nodded excitedly, getting up off the fuzzy blanket in a rush.

_"Okay!"_ He put the Lego model on the top of the mantle slowly as if it was made of glass.

Aaron ruffled the top of his head and kissed it quickly, making Spencer smile up at him bashfully. The teen clenched his grey tee at the hem and Aaron patted his back.

"Now, how about we get lunch going?"

Spencer pouted.

"But… 'wanna keep playing…" He looked back towards the mess of Lego's on the blanket.

"I know bud, but you haven't had anything to eat since breakfast."

Spencer frowned up at him in annoyance.

"Not hungry." He stated, and Aaron raised his eyebrows in slight surprise.

Spencer had just started to become somewhat defiant and bratty; and even though Aaron found it adorable when he was acting like that, he knew he couldn't put up with that sort of behaviour.

"But it's almost two, Spence- you need to get something in your tummy or you'll feel sick."

Spencer ignored him and walked back over to the blanket, plopping back down on the fuzzy white fabric and began assembling more multi-coloured legos.

Aaron sighed, looking at JJ as if asking what to do. JJ just smiled and bent her head near Spencer's; her blonde hair dangling down.

"If you be a good boy and have lunch with us, you can have oreos after." She said quietly, giving him a mischievous look.

Spencer raised his head up at and nodded enthusiastically. He shot up and ran over to the table, pulling his chair out and sitting down quickly; back turned to the both of them. Aaron looked at JJ in mock annoyance; shaking his head a couple times. She gave him a troublesome smile as she got up off the blanket.

The two joined Spencer in the kitchen, with JJ sitting down in the chair beside Spencer as Aaron busied himself with preparing their lunch. He snuck glances at Spencer as he pulled a frying pan out from below the oven, and saw that he was sitting almost stationary; _obediently,_ it seemed. He had his hands under his legs and stared straight ahead of him even as JJ idly talked to him. Aaron frowned as he put the black frying pan on the oven. He didn't really like how rigid he looked but he guessed he was just trying to be his version of 'a good boy'.

"So what do you think we should have?" Aaron asked him as he took out three plates and set them on the marble counter.

He chose a frying pan and plates assuming he wanted grilled cheese, which was what he usually chose. The kid absolutely _loved_ cheese- grilled cheese, mac n cheese, literal blocks of cheese- didn't matter the form; he was just obsessed with the dairy product. Spencer didn't respond to Aaron's question though, and instead kept staring straight ahead of him.

"Buddy? What do you want to eat?"

Aaron walked closer to the table while still holding the frying pan; bending slightly to try and meet the teen's eyes. Spencer suddenly perked up as he realized he was being spoken to. He looked at the frying pan with a surprised blink and Aaron put it on the stove as he realized what he was thinking.

_'Fuck…'_ He thought, hoping Spencer would dismiss the possibility of being hurt once the frying pan was out of his hands.

"Um, whatever I 'llowed." Spencer replied quietly, looking away from Aaron and down at his lap.

Aaron smiled at him sympathetically. He seemed to be having a moment in his 'old mindest' as Dr. Addison put it. Spencer often would go back to it; the one he had while living with William, and Aaron was instructed to slowly pull him out of it when that happened.

"Your allowed to pick anything buddy- uh, besides sugary things- you can have some of that after you eat something healthy."

"Oh…" Spencer replied, and looked to the fridge as he thought.

"Um… mac 'n cheese?" He asked, looking at the two nervously.

"Sure!" Aaron responded; walking over to him.

He was just so happy moments ago- the unit chief didn't like seeing him go from that to nervous so fast. He kissed the top of his head once he reached him, trying to make him feel a little less nervous. 

"Mac 'n cheese it is then! You having some, JJ?" Aaron walked back over to the oven, putting the frying pan away and instead grabbing a steel pot from the cupboard.

"I'm in- you better make it good though." She joked.

"Aaron the b-best at cooking!" Spencer chimed in, moving his hands from under his thighs.

"Is he now?" JJ asked, giving Aaron a smirk.

Spencer nodded, putting his knuckles in his mouth and biting at them slightly. Aaron and JJ shared a look as he put the plates back, and the unit cheif gestured to the living room with a slight flick of the chin.

"How about I get your toys Spence? That way we don't have to chew our fingers." JJ suggested, taking the hint.

Spencer furrowed his eyebrows as JJ spoke and turned to watch her walk to the coffee table. She grabbed a colorful rubber stim toy that was designed for chewing and handed it to the teen. It was a small teardrop shaped thing, and to Aaron, the simple piece of rubber was an absolute _godsend_. Spencer blushed as he took it from her, looking at the rubber chew necklace then up at JJ nervously. It was one of the many gifts Penelope had given him and it helped so much with his biting habit. Aaron watched the two as he started the pot of boiling water, glancing back every few seconds. Spencer seemed wary about using his stim toy in front of JJ, as he only used it when Aaron was around.

"You don't gotta be nervous around me, Spence." JJ said comfortingly, putting a hand on his forearm gently.

That seemed to be the go-ahead Spencer needed because right after she said it he slowly put the necklace around in his neck and the pink stim toy in his mouth, chewing softly and looking away. Aaron gave JJ a thankful smile as he opened the blue box of Kraft Dinner, setting it down as he waited for the water to boil. He walked away from the stove to lean against the marble island, smiling at the pair sitting at the table. He couldn't help but revel in the pure feeling that was brewing in his chest upon watching his newly 'adopted' son- he was so much different than the boy he had met three months previous; so much more open and happy. His speech and stutter had also improved drastically, without even seeing a speech therapist.

"What color is your necklace, Spence?" Aaron asked in interest, wanting to make idle conversation with him so he would feel even more at ease.

Spencer kicked his feet as he took the chewable rubber out of his mouth.

"Pink…" He responded quietly while staring at the table; putting it back in his mouth after responding. 

Aaron knew Spencer was aware of colors, shapes and letters in his regressed state but he still liked to engage him in those sort of questions.

"What's your favorite colour, Spence? I don't think you've ever mentioned it to me before." JJ put both arms on the table, resting her hand under her chin.

Spencer glanced up at her as he chewed his stim toy.

"'Like purple." He responded through the toy.

"That's a pretty colour! And it's my favorite too, did you know that?"

"Really?" Spencer asked, keeping eye contact with her now.

JJ nodded.

"Yeah, it reminds me of Veronias."

" _Ver…onias?_ " Spencer asked in confusion.

"A flower that is native to Virginia. It's very pretty, want to see?"

Spencer nodded and JJ took out her phone; searching google images quickly.

Aaron smiled softly and went back to the stove as the pair searched up the Veronia. The water was now boiling so he put the box of macaroni in- adding a dash of salt so the noodles didn't stick to the bottom of the pot. JJ and Spencer talked excitedly about flowers while he stirred and began to search others up that were purple as well. It took about ten minutes to boil the noodles and once that was finished, Aaron drained the excess water then proceeded to mix the cheese and milk in swiftly.

"I know that one!" Spencer exclaimed from behind him, likely pointing to JJ's phone screen.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah! It was in the-" Spencer stopped his sentence abruptly, and Aaron quickly turned around to look at him.

He was staring at the middle of the table, dropping his necklace against his collar as he began to get lost in a memory. And not a very good one, by the looks of it. Aaron frowned and quickly scraped the concoction into three bowls, getting the ketchup out from the fridge after he was done. He wanted to get him out of his distraction as quickly as possible but also wanted to keep the situation normal. He put the bowls on the table along with the ketchup and sat down, keeping his eyes locked on Spencer as he did. His chair was the one closest to the island, with Spencer's being the one at the other end of the table closest to the living room.

"Here you go, Spence." He said cheerfully- maybe a little too cheerfully now that he thought about it.

Spencer didn't respond; he didn't even seem to even register that Aaron was speaking to him. The unit chief felt that familiar clench in his chest, wanting so badly to make whatever he was thinking of go away. He was so blank; it killed Aaron to see the life missing from his eyes that was just there seconds ago.

"Spence…? Hey, kiddo, you in there?" Aaron kept his voice light and tried to smile.

It took everything he had to not scoop him up in his arms when he again, got no reply. Aaron's lips went down in a thin frown, and he looked at JJ. She gave him a guilty glance, stuffing her phone back in her pocket. Aaron responded with a sympathetic look as he stood up from his chair and walked over to his son. He didn't want her feeling guilty, but he knew that was probably inevitable. 

" _Hey Spence?_ What you thinking about?" Aaron knelt beside his chair, and put his hand on Spencer's hand which was clenched into a fist resting on his knee.

Spencer whipped his head to look at Aaron, coming back to the present instantly. He blinked a couple times in surprise and Aaron gave him a concerned expression. He looked like a deer caught in the headlights of a car; his brown eyes wide with terror swirling within.

"You okay baby?" Spencer blinked again, looking to JJ then blushing madly as he looked away from both of them in embarrassment.

His lip wobbled dangerously and Aaron watched as he pushed back his chair with a loud screech. He took off upstairs hastily before the unit chief could even think of what to say.

"I'm sorry, Hotch- I didn't mea-"

"It's alright, I'll-" Aaron sighed, rubbing his forehead slightly.

Getting Spencer away from flashbacks was the hardest; his mind seeming to delve into the deep end when it came to traumatic memories.

"I'll go calm him down. Talk to you tomorrow?"

JJ frowned, still holding a look of guilt in her baby blue eyes.

"You sure you don't need help?"

"No, it's okay. I'll call you later, alright?"

With that, Aaron took off upstairs without waiting for a response. He heard the front door click close as he reached Spencer's bedroom, and with a deep breath- he entered.

He felt bad making JJ leave- she was so good with him during moments like these but he honestly hadn't seen Spencer look so blank before; Aaron didn't know if he would panic having other people around while in such a delicate state.

As Aaron walked in he was met with a seemingly empty bedroom. His heart almost leaped out his chest in panic.

"Spencer?!" Aaron stood in the middle of the room, looking around wildly.

There was a slight shuffle from beside him, and Aaron breathed out a sigh of relief as he saw a pair of mismatched sock feet under Spencer's desk. His heart continued to beat rapidly though- not liking the feeling of being separated from Spencer one bit. Aaron knelt on the ground about a foot from the desk and took in the sight before him. Spencer was holding his knees to his chest with his head bent so he could fit; all the while looking up at Aaron with a terrified expression.

"There you are." Aaron sat cross legged on the ground, hands visible and leaning forward slightly.

Dr. Addison said it was good to let abused children always see your hands to help eliminate the fear of being hurt.

"What are you doing under there baby?"

Spencer wiped a tear from his eye with his finger and it was then Aaron noticed the tracks flowing down his cheeks in the slight shadow he sat in. He shuffled a bit closer while he looked at his sparkling brown eyes through his glasses.

"S-Sunflowers were _th-there…_ saw th-them. Saw th-them in the window."

Aaron nodded slightly in understanding.

"At the farm?"

Spencer nodded quickly, and held his knees a little tighter.

" _Not_ p-pretty. _N-Not_ 'pretty f-flower." He stated in anger, pushing away a new set of tears.

"It isn't?" Aaron inquired, taking Dr. Addison's advice and gently making Spencer explain exactly what he was feeling and thinking.

"No, _i-i-isn't!_ " Spencer cried, beginning to pull on his hair like he usually did when he got upset.

"Hey, okay, _okay-_ " The worried unit chief moved to sit right in front of him, and put his palms to the ground.

"Is it not pretty because it reminds you of that scary place?" He asked, trying so hard not to pull Spencer's hands away from his curls.

"Y-Yes!" Spencer cried, pulling his hair harder.

"What if sunflowers were here?" Aaron suggested, suddenly getting an idea amidst the overwhelming need to stop Spencer from hurting himself.

"Wh-What?" He asked curtly; pausing his hair pulling.

Aaron reached slowly towards Spencer's fingers which were tightly entangled in his hair and received a bewildered look from the teen while he did.

"What if we planted sunflowers here? Then it could remind you of home and not the scary place."

He gently guided his hands away from his curls and picked up Spencer's chewable stim toy; offering it to him to chew or hold.

Spencer grabbed it from him and held it tightly, looking up at Aaron questionably. 

"S-Sunf'owers… _here?_ But.. b-but…"

"We can make it a _happy_ flower- So it doesn't scare you anymore."

Spencer pouted, and thought for a moment.

"In… t-ta gar'en?" He asked quietly.

Aaron nodded, and cupped both of his knees lovingly as he smiled. Dr. Addison gave him many tips on how to deal with Spencer's distress and one of them was waiting until he was somewhat calm before he tried to attempt comfort. It was a rather hard one for Aaron, as watching him in any sort of distress was absolutely heart wrenching. He was glad he came up with the sunflower idea so quickly, though- it seemed to distract him from the fear of the memory.

A few years back, him and Dave built a few gardens in the backyard against the fences encompassing it but very little was inhabiting them; he wanted to fill them up for a while but had never gotten around to it. Spencer had pondered about the octagonal gardens when they spent time in the backyard, inspecting the _'beautiful'_ weeds (as he called it) and talking to the plants as if they were small animals. Aaron figured he would have a lot of fun gardening.

"Yeah, wouldn't it be fun to garden together? We can plant other things, too. Whatever you like!" Aaron said enthusiastically, and Spencer looked down thoughtfully.

He put his necklace in his mouth, now sucking instead of chewing. Aaron looked at the teen sympathetically. He was regressing farther now, and the unit chief decided it was time to get him out from the shadowy underneath of his desk.

"How about we draw some ideas? We could do it while we eat lunch."

He held his arms out to Spencer in a welcoming gesture. Spencer seemed to be wary about the idea; a thoughtful look crossing his face. He shuffled quietly out from the desk until both their knees were touching; head to the ground.

"Y-You… you colour too?" He whispered through his necklace, and Aaron nodded.

"Sure, baby. I would love to." He bent his head to meet his eyes again.

"How about I pick you up and take you downstairs? My little prince shouldn't have to walk." Aaron said matter-of-factly.

Spencer looked up in surprise at the new nickname, and blushed madly. He nodded though, and put his arms up rather quickly while biting his lip to hide what looked like a growing smile.

_'I should use that nickname more…'_ Aaron thought, letting out a slight chuckle. 

He put his arm under his legs to lift him while he supported his back with the other arm. He looked so cute with his necklace in his mouth and arms up. Once Spencer was snug in his lap, he hugged him lovingly; not too tightly, but just enough to give pressure. Dr. Addison figured Spencer had a form of autism, and she gave tips on how to calm a child that was experiencing such things. She didn't want to put him through testing, though; therapy was new enough to him and she felt putting him through additional testing with strangers would make him unsettled. Aaron agreed, but honestly, he desperately wanted to know what was going on with his child so he could find the right tools to help him.

Spencer hid his face in the crook of Aaron's neck, and the older agent vaguely heard the sound of him sucking on his necklace. He whispered soothing words as he stood up and Spencer clutched the fabric of his shirt.

"Wh-Where g-g-going?" He asked nervously.

"Downstairs to draw pictures, buddy. Oh-"

A large pack of crayons caught his eye that was sitting on a shelf him and Derek put together a few days prior. It was one of those '120 Colours' packs and was given to him by JJ and Emily at his birthday party. He had barely used any though, seeming to have an issue with letting himself do art. Aaron hadn't really figured out why yet. He walked over to the shelf with him and picked up the box, along with a stack of blank paper.

"We can use these to colour, hey? So many different crayons in here!" He grabbed the box expertly while still holding Spencer.

It was a struggle to keep up such a cheery voice as he was normally a rather rigid man but he knew it made Spencer feel more at ease so he always tried his best. Spencer didn't seem that interested in the crayons and let out a whine in protest; burrowing his face in Aaron's neck once again. It seemed, they were now at the 'fussy' period.

"We can draw all sort of ideas while we eat lunch, doesn’t that sound fun?" Aaron began walking with him downstairs.

Spencer didn't respond until they reached the kitchen.

"S-Sit wit' you?" He asked in a small voice, grabbing a fistful of Aaron's black sweater.

"Yeah, course baby."

Aaron sat down in Spencer's chair and settled him on his lap. He proceeded to put the paper and the crayons on the table, and moved his bowl to the side.

"Now, I'm not a very good artist so you might need to help me." Aaron said lightly, and opened the box of crayons while keeping his other hand around Spencer's belly to support him.

Spencer let the necklace fall from his mouth, going to touch the tips of the crayons with the pads of his fingers.

"How about I draw big squares that can be the gardens and you fill them in?"

Spencer nodded, and watched as the unit chief pulled a grey crayon from the pack. Aaron chuckled at Spencer's intense gaze while he drew four squares around the paper.

"There we go! What plants should we fill it with?" Aaron asked, looking at Spencer.

"Ver'ona's…" Spencer said quietly.

"Veronias? The purple flower JJ showed you?"

Spencer nodded curtly, his curls flopping slightly.

"Okay cool- so pick one of the purple crayons and I'll look up what it looks like on my phone."

"I 'm-member what it looks like." Spencer said quietly and pulled out a lilac-purple crayon.

Aaron raised his eyebrows slightly.

_'He only saw the picture on JJ's phone for a second- how does he remember what it looks like?'_

The teen in his lap drew quietly, and as he did, Aaron grew more and more bewildered by the second. Spencer, with crayons, was making a _really_ realistic version of the Veronia flower. He was picking different shades every now and then, and flicking his fingers up in ways that created different strokes and thickness. Spencer was leaning forward so his elbows rested comfortably and Aaron felt his heart could almost burst from how cute he looked. The only strange thing was his drawing level- _it was so good._ Like college-level designing art good.

"Wow, baby- that… _that is amazing._ Where did you learn to draw like that?"

Aaaron didn't hide the confused tone in his voice- he didn't think he could, honestly. Spencer just shrugged in response, not seeming phased by his ability at all. He continued on to draw other plants without asking for Aaron's opinion and after a while, the unit chief noticed he was drawing nature that pertained mostly to farmland soil. Including the sunflower. He smiled with pride, kissing the top of his head.

"You wanna plant all these, baby?"

Spencer nodded, not stopping his soft strokes. Aaron felt so proud- he knew that these were plants he remembered from his time on that hellscape, _and god_ , was he ever proud of him for wanting to put them in the garden; let alone draw them. The two of them sat there for quite some time, Spencer filling page after page with different plants and even weeds; the whole time not once showing any sign of panic or distress of any sort.

"My little artist." Aaron whispered proudly, kissing the top of his son's head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm shit at writing filler scenes but this one turned out quite well? I want them to slowly realize Spencer's abilities, so that's why they haven't figured out his IQ or geniusness yet lol. Thank you for the kudos/comments! It makes my day to see you guys actually enjoy this, and again, sorry for the late updating!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not have autism so if I fuck something up, feel free to correct me!
> 
> Another disclaimer: I DONT KNOW WHAT GROWS ON FARMS DONT @ ME


	11. Doubts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer asks if he can go back to work.   
> Aaron has a talk with him about his fear of alcohol.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe I have eleven chapters of this?? My longest going fic was back on fanfiction.net pretty sure and I haven't done one with more than five chaps in a lonnggg time lol. Hope you enjoy it!
> 
> I know it's a slow storyline, but ptsd be like that

Spencer walked cautiously up the Hotchner staircase trying hard not to disturb Aaron with the sound of his socked feet. He had been upstairs for almost two hours working while leaving Spencer downstairs to play video games on his xbox console; and if the teen was honest, he was getting a little lonely. Also, he had a dire question on his mind in need of answering. When he reached the landing, he heard his caregiver's stern voice echo in his office. 

"Send me the one that's _signed,_ Anderson. And within an hour- my son and I are going out soon."

A warm feeling spread through his chest when he heard Aaron call him that and Spencer sucked in his bottom lip slightly as he tip-toed closer to his office. He poked his head around the corner in curiosity but withdrew a bit when he saw Aaron notice him immediately, putting his phone back into his pocket with a smirk.

"Eavesdropping, are we?"

Spencer blushed, shaking his head vigorously and putting his hands behind his back as he stared at Aaron fearfully. He was conditioned to stand at attention when he was bad so he instinctually assumed the position without hesitation. Spencer swallowed nervously as Aaron stopped in his tracks. He was dressed in a checkered black shirt and dress pants, which was strange to Spencer because he usually only worse those types of outfits to work. He was conditioned to stand at attention when he was bad so he instinctually assumed the position.

_"N-No, sir!"_

Aaron's smile faltered a bit as he walked up to him.

"I'm kidding, Spence." He touched the top of his head and brought it in for a quick kiss.

"Did you get bored of video games?" He asked while walking back over to his mahogany desk.

Spencer shrugged, loosening his posture and tugging lightly on the hem of his beige sweatshirt.

"I… h-had a question." The teen said nervously while watching the older agent ruffle through stray files on his desk.

"Shoot." Aaron responded while somewhat distracted.

He shut his desk drawer and continued to the one below it; pulling a hand through his hair while muttering something.

"When c-can I go back to work?"

Aaron looked up suddenly, eyebrows raised while slightly bent over his desk. He put the files back down.

"Don't you like working from home?"

Spencer shrugged again and wrapped his arms around his torso.

"You… barely let m-me anymore." He said quietly.

Aaron sighed, looking down for a moment then up at Spencer again. Spencer looked away.

"Did I… not do a g-good job?" He croaked, close to tears.

He felt so scared to hear the answer. It was his _dream_ to work at the bureau but Aaron had taken him out on leave after his suicide attempt. He _did_ let him work on his software on his laptop, but was starting to try and distract him from it- and Spencer could tell. He wondered if he had done something wrong; or if his coding wasn't up to par. _Surely it wasn't the last one,_ he thought. But what confused him more is that Aaron had taken leave a few days earlier, right after Christmas happened.

" _What?_ No no, buddy, you did a great job. You _always_ do great work on the software you build." Aaron walked back over to him and rubbed both of his arms encouragingly.

"Then.. What is it? Why can't I go back to work? Why aren't you at work anymore?"

Aaron brought him over to the damask loveseat that was sitting against the wall closest to the door. He sat down with him, and smiled half-heartedly.

"I just don't think work is the best thing for you right now, bud. I don't want you to be more stressed out than you have to be."

Spencer pouted, feeling even worse.

" _B-But I did a good j-job…"_ He whispered.

"You did, buddy, but I feel like you need to concentrate on… _healing_ … before coding software for the bureau."

Spencer stood up abruptly as angry tears formed in his eyes. The word 'healing' always made him feel overwhelmingly annoyed as he didn't know what it was supposed to mean in his case. He knew he would never forget- he never forgot _anything_. So he concluded a long time ago that if he couldn't forget, he couldn't heal. Life for Spencer was now entirely just coping and trying to survive amidst the guilt and shame that never seemed to leave his brain. 

"There _isn't_ any h-healing! There never w-will be! You and Dr. Addison k-keep telling me I need to heal but I don't know _how!_ "

Aaron stared up at him in surprise.

"Th-The only way I will feel better i-is to help the people wh-who can't!" Spencer stated loudly while tears fell down his cheeks.

He blinked in surprise at the droplets falling down his face and turned away with a huff.

"Spence, hey-"

Spencer took off, out of Aaron's study and to his room. He pushed the slightly ajar door open roughly and walked over to his bed, sitting down and crossing his arms like a small child.

"Hey, let's talk about this. No need to get upset." Aaron entered his room and walked up to Spencer, kneeling down so he could make eye contact.

Spencer looked away, pushing away his tears with the palm of his hand while glaring at his window. He heard Aaron take a deep sigh and felt his hand be placed onto his knee. His caregiver paused for a moment when Spencer looked back at him.

"You know, sometimes I forget how big you are. And how much this job must matter to you." Aaron said softly, giving him a wistful smile.

"I need to h-help." Spencer stated quietly. "I n-need to help people… _l-like me…_ "

Aaron caressed his cheek with a smile full of Spencer recognized as pride.

"I know you do." He whispered.

Spencer looked down, blushing. The two sat in silence for a few moments until Aaron drew a quick breath in.

"Hey! I have an idea!"

Spencer raised his eyebrows.

Aaron smiled, and stood up to sit beside him.

"What if we make you up your own office here? Then you can have a desk just like at the bureau."

Spencer thought for a moment as his caregiver sat down beside him. It did sound cool to have his own office space but he was still apprehensive.

_'What if he still doesn't let me work?'_ Spencer wondered.

"And y-you'll let me work?" He asked aloud, eyes staring at him hopefully. 

Aaron nodded.

"I would rather have you relaxing and focusing on.."

Spencer glared at him when he almost said the word 'healing.' The older agent cleared him throat slightly.

"-but yeah, you can work on your software again buddy. Only if you promise not to overdo it." Aaron stood up.

Spencer gave him a huge smile.

"Thank you!" He said happily, leaning forward and hugging him around the middle.

Aaron just chuckled and kissed his head while putting the palm of his hand against the back of it.

"Now, I think it would be good to plan your office out on paper, don't you?" He asked while rubbing his back a couple times.

Spencer nodded, fondly remembering how they planned the garden's out in the backyard a couple weeks previous. Their ideas still couldn't come to fruition due to the winter weather but Aaron promised once it got warmer they would do plant all the fauna Spencer drew.

"Well let's get to it, hm?"

Spencer stood, and began to follow Aaron out of the room. Ideas for the room and plans swirled in his brain, and he felt so excited about the idea up until the thought of Aaron spending even more money on him cut into his thoughts.

"Actually, um, it's okay." He said quietly and stopped right outside of his door.

"I can just do it in here maybe?" Spencer suggested, looking back into his room and playing with his fingers nervously.

His eyes flickered over to his desk where his stim necklace sat; but he refrained from walking over to grab it. He wanted Aaron to see him as a big boy in the moment and he knew that would go out the window if he started chewing on the small teardrop. Lately, the teen was at complete odds with who he was and it wasn't going well. On the one hand, he was as mature as any; fully focused and understanding on the workings of the adult world; but on the other hand, he felt as if he was a small child trapped in an endless hell of confusion. It was rather infuriating to him that he couldn't be personable like Ash or headstrong like his old boss Catrina; both who were very close in age to him.

"Why? Wouldn't having your own study be cool?" Aaron gave him a confused look.

"No- yeah, it w-would be really cool but I… don't want you to spend more m-money on me. You already got me _so_ much for Christmas…" Spencer responded, glancing over at his unsorted pile of gifts that lay at the end of his bed on the floor.

It was almost starting to becocme overwhelming how many gifts he was being given on a frequent basis. He knew Aaron was just being kind but the guilt that consumed him after getting said gifts was almost unbearable.

"Spencer what have I told you before?"

Aaron spoke in a gentle tone as he brought the teen closer to him by the hands but it still sounded to Spencer like he was being reprimanded. He blushed, suddenly remembering their last conversation they had about Spencer's guilt surrounding Aaron spending money on him.

"Th-That… f-family takes care o-of each other…" He responded quietly, looking away from Aaron's eyes.

" _That's right._ There is nothing to feel guilty about because I _love_ you, and I _want_ to give you cool things."

Spencer nodded, deciding it best not to argue and also not wanting Aaron to suddenly take back those warm words he just said. He still didn't understand the concept of 'family' but Aaron explained it was those you keep closest; those you love and care for most. The older agent smiled at him sympathetically. 

"How about we go start drawing for a little bit? We gotta go to town soon though, is that alright?"

Spencer raised his eyebrows. They didn't go shopping much or go out at all really since Spencer moved into the Hotchner house. He was always so wary about going into public due to the fear of possibly seeing William. Spencer felt Aaron knew that though, because he didn't press him when he said no to going out.

"G-Go to town? W-Why?"

Aaron rubbed his arm for a moment.

"I want your help on choosing stuff for our New Years Eve party. Emily is coming for the trip too."

Spencer's eyes and chest absolutely lit up.

_'Another party?!'_ He thought excitedly. 

He loved his birthday party so much- it wasn't even the gifts he loved (though he really did enjoy them) it mainly was the fact all his co-workers (or "family" as Aaron put it) were all in the same room laughing, smiling and living their lives happily. The teen also really loved being the centre of attention, which happened on a regular basis when his team was around.

"A party?!" He asked aloud; looking up at Aaron with the utmost excitement.

"Yeah, doesn't that sound fun?" Aaron responded with enthusiasm.

"Wh-What are we celebrating?" Spencer asked, completely clueless and totally missing what Aaron said before. 

"New Year's Eve- it's in a couple days."

Spencer cocked his head to the side ever so slightly.

"P-People c-celebrate that?"

Aaron gave him a strange smile and nodded his head. Spencer blushed, feeling a bit stupid that he didn't know. He did know a lot of things about the world from books, but some things had slipped his knowledge. Mainly Holidays, social cues, and basic everyday things included in the life of a human being.

"Yeah, it's really fun. Were gonna do a countdown to midnight, have New Years crackers-"

At the look of confusion that crossed Spencer's face again, the Unit chief stopped abruptly and thought for a moment.

"Which is a type of party… _toy pack._ You snap it and toys or small knick knacks pop out."

"Oh…" Spencer said as he tried to picture what Aaron was saying.

"And were going to have all sorts of snacks and games- you'll love it buddy."

Spencer looked to the side while wondering what all Aaron was talking about would look like.

"How 'bout we start drawing until Emily gets here?"

Spencer looked back at his caregiver and nodded. He glanced to his desk again, suddenly wanting his stim necklace but he tried to push the need away as he began walking away from his doorframe. Aaron seemed to catch his gaze though because he walked to the desk swiftly and grabbed it; handing it to Spencer with a soft smile and a quick rub of the back. Spencer blushed as he took it and followed beside Aaron to the living room while holding onto it tightly.

It still sort of baffled him that Aaron was so kind about his regression. His therapist often told him that "he had nothing to be ashamed about" and that it was "perfectly normal" to regress after being abused but those words never really stuck with him. Spencer tried to make them sink in but relentless shame blocked them from entering his consciousness. It was still very embarrassing to him when he felt small and needed help with basic tasks, though his brain didn't register how he was acting until he came back to his normal headspace.

His most mortified moment though was when he woke up from a nightmare and had realized he wet the bed. It was so shameful to him that he immediately undressed himself and took all his blankets, sheets and soiled pajamas to the laundry machine in the basement; running down the steps in a panic. Aaron had woken up from the commotion of course, and found Spencer in the basement naked and crying. But he wasn't cruel or degrading in any way, (like Spencer expected him to be) he was quite the opposite actually. Aaron had wrapped him up in a stray blanket and carried him to the bath, soothing him the whole time that he sat in the bubbly water. Despite his lack of cruelty, the teen had still felt so immature and disgusting from the occurrence. The memory over all _really_ wasn't a fond one.

Once the pair reached the living room, Aaron walked over to the small entertainment shelf that sat beside the tv and grabbed his pack of chemistry-themed crayons and a few pieces of paper. Spencer had gotten them from Dave, and they were his utmost favorite gift he had ever received. (Though he would never tell Aaron that). For each color was an element and it made him giddy when he held them for some reason.

"Want to draw at the coffee table or at the kitchen table?" Aaron asked, going to put the art supplies down on the coffee table.

Spencer smiled, liking how well Aaron knew his regular actions.

"Here, please." He said softly, going to kneel on the hardwood.

He looked up as he knelt and pulled out a 'Ytttrium Oxide' crayon.

"Color too?" He asked innocently, cringing slightly as his child-like voice rang in his ears.

He frequently tried to speak like a grown up but sometimes he couldn't help it. He pushed the crayons Aaron's way as he sat down in the chair beside the adjoining couch.

"I think I'm gonna work on the shopping list- but I _would_ like a crayon, if you don't mind." 

Aaron gave him a nod and thankful smile as Spencer handed him a grey crayon; he figured the older agent wouldn't want one that was too colorful. Spencer began drawing "blueprints" quietly; even including the grid on the paper so it would be easier for him to accurately plan a room. He was sort of self-conscious about drawing since he and Aaron drew plans for their garden; not understanding why he was praised so highly from something so simple. He didn't think his art was good- he thought it was rather crap actually, but his caregiver thought the complete opposite. Aaron would always put the pictures he made up on their fridge and walls and would even hang the pieces that Spencer threw away- it was almost starting to get annoying to the younger agent.

Spencer stole glances up to his caregiver every now and then; studying Aaron's hard brow and firm expression in interest while he focused on the paper sitting on his knee. The teen noticed after a while that the Aaron he was when he was with him was far different than the Aaron he was outside of the house or on the phone. Spencer sensed a sort of… sadness in him and saw signs of what looked like bitterness. It confused Spencer because to him, Aaron had a dream-like life; what with his team, beautiful home and amazing job. But when Spencer really thought about it, he knew that Aaron must have seen some _awful_ things while working in the FBI. Things they refused to let Spencer see. Aaron tucked a stray black lock of hair behind his ear as he went to go write down another item on the list. He stooped suddenly in mid scrawl though, looking up at Spencer. 

"So buddy… I want to talk to you about something…"

Aaron's firm expression disappeared once he looked at him; being replaced by a soft, almost nervous look. Spencer put down his crayon on the piece of paper before him.

"There will be alcohol at this party but I-"

Spencer took a sharp inhale, the words Aaron just said echoing in his mind fearfully. Liquor _terrified_ him- the sight, the smell, the actions taken by those who consumed it- he was not fond of the beverage _at all._ Aaron put a hand on the table in front of his picture; trying to get his attention.

"Hey, hey- but I want to explain to you _why_ first."

Spencer grabbed his chew necklace off the table and put it between his teeth as his 'big boy' composure began to crumble. He didn't really want to hear Aaron's explanation, nor did he want him to see his composure fall, so he turned to get up off the floor.

"Spencer sit down please." Aaron said in a calm, firm tone; standing from the chair and kneeling at the head of the coffee table.

"D-Don' care…" Spencer said quietly, looking down at his picture.

"But I _do,_ baby. I want you to know about it so it doesn't scare you anymore."

Spencer glared up at him momentarily.

"No' possible." He whispered.

Aaron gave him a sad smile and sat down properly.

"I know very scary things have happened to you when you’ve been around alcohol." He stated, going to grab Spencer's hand as he raised it towards his hair.

"And I know because of that you have a big opinion on it and what it does."

Spencer nodded slightly as he grabbed Aaron's hand that was holding his. The memories of his father more often than not included hard liquor and endless nights of terror. His father was already mean to begin with, but when he got alcohol into him it was one hundred times worse. It was in those times that Spencer found himself in ropes and tears.

"The majority of people use alcohol as a fun thing, though- to loosen up and have a good time."

Spencer pouted, not liking being lied to. The older agent looked like he was telling the truth but Spencer's experiences overrode his judgement.

" _Lie._ " He stated, and went to get up again.

He didn't want to hear any of what Aaron was saying anymore. Spencer felt he was being inconsiderate and mean; obviously knowing how much liquor scared him. He didn't know why he was trying to get him to understand something that wasn't true. Spencer let out a small gasp as he was picked up and put into Aaron's lap. He responded by trying to wiggle out in annoyance.

"Spencer, it was your father who hurt you. Not alcohol. Drinking didn't make him cruel, he was _already_ cruel- do you understand?"

Spencer furrowed his eyebrows and ignored the sudden urge to bury his face in Aaron's chest. He felt tears spring to his eyes and as he went to go wipe them away, he felt his cheek be caressed and his face raised upwards.

"I have drank quite a bit in my past- mainly at parties or after a long day, and _never_ , never _once_ did I hurt someone."

Spencer looked into his eyes. They were firm yet soft; seeming to be holding a look of genuine truth. Aaron let out a slight humorous exhale and looked to the side for a moment.

"Except once I did hurt myself by accident- I fell into a chocolate fountain."

Despite the fragility of the situation, Spencer let out a small laugh as he said that.

"Ch-Chocolate fountain? What ta't?" He asked, the tight feeling in his chest lightening a little.

"It's like a water fountain but instead of water there's chocolate flowing in it. I slipped and fell right into it- made a lot of mess."

Spencer giggled while he pictured his caregiver messy and covered in liquid chocolate. It was quite a funny thought.

"And I've got a million funny stories about JJ and Emily- those two are too much when they drink wine." Aaron began rubbing his back as he shook his head in disbelief.

Spencer thought about what he was saying. Aaron did seem genuine on this subject but the apprehensiveness about the whole situation was still residing in Spencer's mind. Just the words _'liquor'_ and _'alcohol'_ made his gut twist painfully. But suddenly, a memory popped in his mind.

_**//** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **//** _

_"SPENCCERRR!!"_

_Spencer gasped as a body landed on him, sending his book flying and his heart racing. He turned and saw the torso of Ash and he pushed him off onto the other side of the bed._

_"Wh-What are-"_

_"Pay attention to meeee!" Ash whined in a disorientated voice while hugging around Spencer's waist._

_Spencer laughed nervously. He had never seen Ash act so weird. He turned, trying to get a better look at him. His friend smiled up at him goofily, cheeks and freckles flushed while his black messy hair hung in front of his eyes._

_"I-I was just reading…" Spencer went to pick up his book off the floor but was pulled back into Ash._

_Ash huffed in annoyance._

_"You read allll the timeee." He hugged him closer._

_"What-What's up with you? Your acting… weird." Spencer furrowed his eyebrows as he looked at Ash's eyes._

_They were glazed over, like he had been crying or something._

_"Aamir gave me a bottle of wine, and that bitch has saiiiled." Ash let go of Spencer, cruising his hand through the air and making a whooshing sound as if to replicate an airplane._

_Spencer felt his gut twist at the realization Ash was drunk. He went to move but stopped as Ash giggled, looking above him as if a circus was playing between the pipes that ran across the shed's ceiling. He seemed… happy. Not angry. It made Spencer extremely confused._

_"Sorry I didn' save ya any. It tasted like shit if that helps."_

_Spencer blinked in surprise as he gauged the situation._

_"It's alright." He said quietly._

_"Oh my God- we should make those hashbrowns. Want hashbrowns?" Ash sat upright, swaying ever so slightly._

_"Sure…" Spencer said while still giving him a wary look._

_Ash went and got off Spencer's bed, stumbling as he stood. He caught himself though, and began to dance around the crowded shed, swaying and stepping haphazardly. Spencer laughed, realizing he was okay in the situation they were in. He stood up too; hurrying after his friend so he wouldn't fall._

_**//** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **//** _

He remembered that night fondly, and smiled down at the ground. His smile faltered though as he realized how much he missed Ash.

"What's got you thinking so hard?" Aaron asked while continuing to rub his back.

He gave Spencer a questioning look; eyebrows raised in interest.

"A-Ash got drunk a couple times, t-too. He was really s-silly…" Spencer stated and Aaron smiled proudly at him.

"See? Not everyone are scary when they drink."

"Yeah, I g-guess…" Spencer replied, still trying to knock the bad feeling out of his gut.

But Aaron was right. Ash wasn't like his father at all when he was drunk- completely the opposite. He hoped with all his heart his team would be the same way.

"How about you finish drawing and I'll text Emily to see when she's coming?"

Spencer nodded and was placed back where he was sitting before. He smiled up at Aaron sheepishly as the older agent assumed his previous position. He then received a loving smile in return, and blushed as he went back to his makeshift blueprints.

_'It will be okay… they aren't like daddy…'_ Spencer thought, brushing away the fearful feeling and letting Aaron's words sink into his head while he coloured quietly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chemistry crayons are fking cool and i want two sets omg

**Author's Note:**

> I previously wrote in "Alaska" that Spencer was hired as an intern, but this seems more interesting, doesn't it? 
> 
> I'm going to try and keep to previous plot as much as I can, but if I slip up, super sorry!
> 
> PS-I know nothing of hacker culture okay give me a break


End file.
